A Rainbow In Thunderstorms Ch1

Preface:

This is an autobiography. You have read my stories in bits and pieces. Some of you might have seen my video on YouTube. For some, I am an inspiration. For others, I’m a survivor. While for many, I’m no one. I am writing this autobiography for the people to probably understand, what does a person like me go through and hopefully pave a path for the coming generation to find peace easier than I did.

I had never thought that I will write an autobiography until today, when my friend, my punching bag, Krushal gave me the title for my autobiography. It was his belief that motivated me to begin this journal/autobiography. If you survive till the end of this and you actually enjoyed it, you should thank him to make me do this. And if you don’t like it, you know whom to hold accountable for this.

Chapter one: Father’s family history

My paternal family hails from Ranchi. It used to be a small township back in 70s. It became the capital city of Jharkhand in the year 2000 but before that, it was a part of Bihar. Naxals, dangals, etc were common under the rule of infamous politician, Lalu Prasad Yadav. Which is enough to say, back in those days, masculinity and femininity were very strongly defined.

My father once told me, long before he was even born, his father and grand father were purely non vegetarian. The two of them would finish a whole goat for the lunch. But something changed.

My grandfather also had a younger brother. When they were young men, my grandfather and his brother met our spiritual guru and learnt tantra meditation, after which they adopted satvik food. Just to give a little brief, according to ancient sanatan dharma, the food were classified into three categories and no, those weren’t veg, non veg and eggeatarian.

The food were classified as tamasik, rajasik and satvik. Tamasik was the food habit that included meat, onion, garlic, etc. The word tamasik comes from the Sanskrit word Tamas which means dark. Basically, tamasik food is something that can make a person lethargic and slow. Rajasik is the food habit that can generate too much of energy or heat which can be for good or bad. However, satvik food is supposed to be balanced and keep the internal organs and mind healthier for longer time.

Although, in tantra practice, there’s no restriction on one’s food but it is suggested to have satvik food in order to keep the body healthier. Also, our guru promoted the idea of adoption the food habit according to the climatic condition or vegetation growth. For example, you can’t ask a person to live on plants where the land is covered in snow throughout the year.

Ever since then, our family had been following vegetarianism. Till today, I cannot think of having non vegetarian food. But to me, it’s more of a personal choice than the spiritual one.

My grandfather got married to a Jain girl. She used to mention that she was lucky that my grandfather was vegetarian because she didn’t have to worry about changing her food habits except for a few things, like the use of potatoes, which is prohibited in Jain culture. Although, it was an arranged marriage but my grandfather and great grandfather were open to the idea of inter caste, religion or culture marriages.

My grand parents had seven children but one of them passed away in a very young age due to some flu. Out of the six, the eldest was a girl. Then came my father, the eldest amongst the sons, the ideal son of the house who was supposed to carry the family legacy further. After him, there were three more boys and then the youngest was also a girl.

As you know by now, my grandfather was ahead of his time. In the days, when people used to marry the girls in a very young age, my grandfather allowed all of his children to pursue their studies.

My grandfather was a banker and grandmother was a housewife. The elder aunt took teaching as her profession. My father, well, we’ll talk about him after everyone else. The first uncle became lawyer and started working at notary. Second one, well he didn’t do much. He kept trying to make money by doing some kind of business which I don’t even know if it ever worked. The third uncle got the job as a banker when my grandfather passed away and finally, my youngest aunt became a samnyasii (priestess). Quite a diverse family, isn’t it?

Coming back to my father, he completed his masters in mathematics and did diploma in computer when computers were a rare thing in India. He worked in railways as an engineer. Then he worked as a tutor. Later, he had taken franchisee of some pharmaceutical company. Then he also had repair shop for electrical items. When the franchisee didn’t continue, he converted the shop into a phone booth (yeah, mobiles weren’t there back then). Later, he became principal of a school but we will discuss all that in details later.

I still don’t know what was it that my grandfather’s younger brother used to do. What I do remember about him is, he was ordered by our guru not to get married as he was trained in the ways of Kapalik meditation. No, he was not asked to carry a skull and trident to go and beg but just the mediation method.

However, he fell in love with a beautiful woman and decided to marry her, disobeying the guru’s order. When our guru heard about his marriage, he refused to bless the newly wedded couple. He told my grandfather’s brother, they will never have any child. I don’t know if that was an order which my grandfather’s brother obeyed or if it was a curse that our guru gave for disobeying him or if our guru somehow knew that they cannot bear a child due to some medical reason, but the truth is undeniable, they never had any child.

We had two buildings in one lane in Ranchi where my grandfather and his children lived after all the children grew up and there was a farm house where my grandfather’s brother moved after he got married. In that farm house, he and his wife raised two fierce rottweiler, a few turtles in a small pool, fishes, rabbits, parrots, cows, hens and pigeons. They had one caretaker in that farm house and his family and those people and pets became their family.

Out of all the pets, I remember, my favorite one was a parrot. His name was mitthoo and the reason why I used to like him the most is because he used to talk, which was so extraordinary to have in real life. I had always seen such parrots in movies or read about them in some story.

Initially, vegetarianism was a family tradition for me but as we grew, I grew fond of those pets. It was like they were a family. Even if anyone used to die, I used to feel terrible. It used to feel like a friend or a family member passed away. It became difficult to even think of having them served on the dinner table.

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The one I always Harass

OK! I know the title sounds like I am some criminal but let me assure you, it’s not what it looks like. This post is about someone who never gives up on me and how, from a college junior, he became an unsung savior of my life.

Meet my skinny skeletal savior, Saif Haider aka Saifuddin Siddiquie, as I named him. (OK I’m NOT body shaming him. I’m skinny too. Also, my auto correct keeps changing his last name to “Harder”. I wonder why…)

Now, look at that face and tell me if he isn’t cute AF. (A little secret: it’s just filters).

We met in my college. He was a newbie and I was in the third semester of my college if I’m not mistaken. You know how the college seniors are. They get fresh meat every year till they pass out (I don’t mean drunk and how) and they pick random kids and take their intro rounds.

This one was our special pick, timid, skinny and bossy amongst all the newbies. Well, I later realized that he wasn’t being bossy. Rather everyone loves him almost immediately after meeting him.

He’s helping, kind, charming and stupid too. I loved him for being stupid. I always love twinks who are little stupid. But then he was from the same subject as mine, which was computer science. Girls and gurls, if you don’t know what does that mean, let me tell you. All you need to know is, a person in that course usually has an analytical mind, unless they are just a victim of what parents asked them to do. So that makes him a stupid intelligent person… Is that oxymoron? Is that even possible? I don’t know.

Whether it’s possible or not, I liked this guy from the very first day. Eventually, I got to know, he’s from “My Hometown” *singing in Adele’s voice*. (Did you guys do that too? I’m sure you did if you know the song.) That became a thing. Me, Ameekar (I don’t know if you guys have been following me everywhere but you must know, that’s one of my BFF and my family as well), his younger brother Nishikar and Said. The four of us from the same ancestral place. We bonded over that and our course and eventually became very close friends.

Before he entered the college, my college knew about my sexuality. With Saif I don’t think I ever had to come out to him (Saif correct me if I’m wrong). He knew and he never said anything offensive or against me. Rather he loved me, like a family.

You know how life sometimes plays a game so that you can weed out the unwanted toxins from your friend/social circle? Something similar happened to me back then. I didn’t have a home or anything. This boy gave me a shelter and would come every once in a while to check back on me. He took care of me when there was no one and he still does.

He’ll do everything to make things work and sort out EVERY possible things that he can and will go beyond. I never understood why but I at least know there are people like him, maybe only a few but someone you can always count on. I have been such an awful friend to everyone all my life and I swear to God, it’s not even funny. I never call anyone, I don’t remember to text people for months. But this boy always gets back to me.

I think, I’ve always contacted him whenever I was in a need of something and he always gets it done, unless it’s beyond his control as well. I come across as such a mean person who just talks to people when he needs help but then as a child, we were trained to use the phone only when there’s an emergency so that you reach out to people. I guess, every since childhood, I never liked having a conversation over the phone.

I know many people who have a complaint regarding this attitude and there are people who actually won’t be bothered now if I call them. But this boy, he never complained about it. Rather, he is exactly how he was 3 years ago.

I have slapped him (non violent slaps/friendly slaps) so many times. I beat him every time I meet him. That’s how I express my love to someone I dearly care about. If I can be comfortable enough to physically hit you, it means I know you belong to me and I will always love you and care for you. It’s weird I know. Shut up.

I really don’t know what good have I done to deserve this person in my life, but this boy has been a savior and he proves that you don’t have to have a pumped up body to save someone and you don’t need to have everything to be there for the ones you love.

PS He’s not gay. All you perverts, back off. He’s mine.

Revolution through Clothing

I have heard people talking about revolutions. How does revolution start? And does a revolution help at all? Let’s go back in history classes, shall we? (I know many of “desh bhakts” are going to be furious after reading this, but we are talking revolution, so who cares?)

Before we step into history, let’s understand what is revolution all about. Revolution is about creating a movement in the society that pushes the society to the extent that their usual ideologies are challenged and eventually changed.

Why do we need revolutions? You see, the society that we live in, it ain’t perfect, like everything else. But should we stop ourselves from trying to achieve that perfection? The answer is, no. This is something that, I assume, most of us would agree to.

If a person wants to be a singer, they have practice to improve their vocals. If a person wants to be an actor, they have to practice to improve their acting skills. This all, is on individual level, where we push our limits to achieve perfection, even though we know perfection cannot be achieved. There will always be a room for improvement or betterment.

You see, on an individual level, we all try to improve ourselves to become better and better. But when it comes to society, that individual efforts aren’t enough. That effort will improve you, sure. But is that the need of the society? No. Society as a whole, needs different changes to improve.

Now, let’s stop into history. Back in history, India used to have a tradition where widows were forced to burn alive with their dead husband. Some people felt that it wasn’t right. However, they didn’t say anything because they felt, it’s a common thing, it’s a tradition, it’s culture. We shouldn’t argue or question it. They, on an individual level, knew in their hearts that this tradition is wrong, but they didn’t want to challenge it.

Then, someone created a revolution, fought against this tradition and today, we don’t have that tradition anymore. So you see, the tradition or the norms that we follow, we may or may not realize that it is harmful for some section of the society, however it is better if we get rid of that tradition or norm. In order to bring that change, a revolution has to start.

Now who would do that? Since it’s about society, shouldn’t it be started by a bunch of people with the same mindset? Of course, but that’s not how it’s going to start, EVER. Let me tell you why. We are lazy a**holes (excuse me for my language but that’s truth). We love everything served to us in a platter. Most of us don’t want to step in the kitchen to prepare that platter for ourselves.

That’s exactly what happens when it comes to revolution. Everyone would say, I’m hungry (for a change) but I can’t go in the kitchen to cook (or start a revolution). Amongst all these hungry lazy people, one has to step up and do something to start the change. When someone takes an initiative, the people who were waiting for it will join in.

So you see, even to change the society, one individual is enough. The revolution will begin. People will join in. Imagine, if Mr. Gandhi wouldn’t have initiated Dandi March, probably salt would have been controlled by British rule throughout, even though it was all ours. (Yes, I admire a few things that Mr. Gandhi did in his lifetime. I may not agree with all his ideologies though.) [P.S. This is the part for which I’m expecting a lot of desh bhakths are going to be angry on me. Moving on.]

Now, one of the things that many people do not realize or acknowledge is how clothing has created so many revolutions. There was a time, when India used to follow traditional clothes. They were marvelous and mesmerizing. They still are. However, there were some clothing items which were more practical and easy to be in but the society was not ready to accept it.

Some women and men decided to break the norms in terms of clothing and things changed. What was weird once, it became a norm later. But have we reached perfection yet? Let’s remember, there’s always a room for improvement.

Today, clothes are become gender specific. You have to be of a particular gender (out of the two only) to wear certain kind of clothes. But then, now that we know LGBTQ community exist (for some reason) we need to understand that there are people who may not fit into the idea of gender binaries.

I understand that there are some clothing items that are designed according to the anatomy of human bodies but then, to be very honest, there are various ways to work that part out. So, today if I buy a gown for myself and if I can carry it gracefully, I don’t see why anyone who has not paid my bills, should question my choices.

The reason why I chose to write this today is because I have a pair of amazing comfortable 4 inches heels. I was wearing them while I was going through a public metro. I noticed a few people taking my picture, trying to be all secretive and discreet but you can see where the camera was pointing and how was the phone held.

It was a weird and strange sight for them today but with that they will go back with the sense, “Oh so that’s also in fashion these days.” They may not like anyone doing that in their family, I guess, but they will not be as startled as they were today when they see it next. The reason why I’m sharing this is because, you should know, we all, at our levels can bring a revolution that will take the society to a better path. Just know whatever revolution you try to bring, it should not bring chaos or it should not harm others. Rather it should bring acceptance to the vivid spectrum of individuality.

With that, I would like you all to meet Roshini Kumar, an amazing photographer who has taken an initiative to bring a revolution through her magazine called Revolution Magazine.

Her magazine is going to bring out the uncensored and unapologetic images of real people so that the weird for the world, once again becomes normal and people will once again find acceptance in this world.

Roshini, through her magazine has recently unveiled her first shoot for the magazine that shows three amazing drag queens, Little Mickey, Veronique and Divine Scarlett (that’s my drag name if you guys have read in my previous post). I am not going to share the images here because I want you guys to take an initiative and click on the links to find these WONDERFUL images. Trust me, they are worth it and you should go and follow them.

With that, I’m signing off now. I hope to see you guys on the other side of THIS revolution, if not on the journey with us.

Drag – Opinion

Disclaimer: “These are my personal views and has nothing to do with what others think or feel about drag. It maybe different for different people.”

In the recent turn of events, India is seeing a surge in the number of drag queens emerging from the corners of the country, looking fabulous AF while coming out of the closet, after carefully picking their wardrobe to slay them all. But what is Drag? This comes as an important question because not knowing what drag is all about is a disaster in every possible way. You HAVE to know what is it all about.

A lot of people come to me and ask me if I’m a transgender or if I’m a cross dresser or if I do this for dhandha (for those who don’t know, it means if you do it for sex work). Every time I hear that, I feel like ugh I don’t have enough energy to deal with you RN.

Let me answer everything that you should know and what I feel. Drag queens are women impersonators. For a woman to transform from tired sleepy looking girl to fresh, glamorous girl, makeup works great but you need to know the art to make that happen. However, to transform a man into a woman, now that’s some big task. You can’t just slap on some foundation and lashes, apply some liner and contouring and say I’m impersonating a woman. No. Like N.O.

It’s a long process and it needs a fine understanding of women’s body structure, feminine behavior, makeup skills, clothing, etc. But, is that it? Is that all what drag is about? Isn’t that like cross dressing? The answer is, no. Drag isn’t just impersonating women.

Drag is always over the top. It’s loud, it’s bold, it’s unchained freedom. It probably will make you feel uncomfortable because we are programmed from childhood that women are supposed to be like this, they should dress like that, they should do this etc. Drag queens break those norms, they impersonate the women and make them exactly opposite to what society thinks an ideal woman should be like.

Drag queens can bring the women from your sexual fantasy to reality or sometimes from your darkest fear too. They can be like a real woman or like an ET woman but a woman nonetheless.

But why to sexualize womanhood? Isn’t that like anti feminist? That’s your limits thought process. Drag queens sexualize the womanhood at times but that’s to make the human race uncomfortable. So much so that eventually it becomes a regular thing and teach the humans that even if a woman is dressed in a certain way that makes you sexually attracted to her, it doesn’t mean she is dressed that way for you to rape her without her consent. Her choice of clothing is because she wanted to and not for you. Let’s say, even if she’s dressed to pick up a guy at the bar, that does not mean it’s for any random guy. THAT, my dear friend, is true feminism where a woman is not tagged as a slut for having a consent in picking up her sexual partner.

So you see, Drag is not just about impersonating a woman but also to fight for the rights of women. But then isn’t that a Gay thing? So instead of bringing out a message for your own community, why women? First, because we care for the women in this world. Second, it’s not just for women’s rights only. It does fight for the LGBT community. Drag is inclusive of everyone. I have a straight friend who is cis male and attracted to women and he loves to do Drag. Straight cis gender female like Lady Gaga and transgender woman like Peppermint love to do Drag.

As I said, it’s an art. An art to transform yourself into someone else. Live a life of a true free queen. Free from the inhibitions that society has put on you. Express your deep desires that you could never express as your real self through a character or a creature that you embody as a Drag.

How do we express? Just by putting on the clothes and makeup on? No. This is another aspect of Drag Queens. We are performers. We express ourselves through performances. It could be dance, song, act, poetry, stand up comedy, etc.

And for many queens, Drag is a therapy (I’m quoting this from RuPaul’s Drag Race season 9, but it’s true). I’ll give my example, I won’t speak for others. A few days ago, my depression was taking over and it was consuming me. I still haven’t got out of it completely. My depression had hit so low that I was ready to give up on my life. Many of you who have been following me, I know you have seen me as this strong person who fights back from all the adversities and you couldn’t imagine me giving up on my life, but it’s true.

Lately, everything was going wrong in my life and I didn’t feel like taking it anymore. I didn’t want to live. But then my friend suggested me to try Drag. I have always loved makeup and I have fought through everything like a Queen. Maybe I could use that skill and bring out that Queen to everyone.

I had nothing else to hold on to so I decided I will give it a try. Also because somewhere inside my heart, I wanted to vent out in front of real people and not just online.

Divya Roop is already a name which a lot of people look up to as this strong warrior who would fight and rise against above every struggle. I couldn’t afford to take away that hope from my friends around the world. I tried and it was always a disaster. I had reached to the conclusion that I cannot show this world my vulnerabilities.

I had stopped talking about what was bothering me or what was killing me internally. My friends had to poke me for weeks or months even to get things out of my heart and gradually that also stopped because I learnt to wear a smile to hide my emotions and thoughts.

I knew in my heart that I’m almost at the verge of taking a step forward to my final fall. So when my friend asked me to try Drag, I immediately found a way to let it all out. In front of the world, it will be my alter ego who can be vulnerable and broken and not Divya even though behind that mask, it will still be me letting it all out.

For this world, I’m still that fighter who has yet again found a way to fight it back. On that note, I would like to introduce you all to my alter ego, Divine Scarlet.

Divine is very new but very ambitious. I hope you all would love her and pray for her to achieve everything she hopes to find in her life.

And I hope this was insightful and I hope that the drag queens in India would one day SHOOK the world. I hope you guys like it and share it with your friends if you feel they should know and learn about this growing lifestyle.

True love

How bad your wound is? How deep is that scar on your soul? How much have you been broken down? Do you remember the time when you were all alone and no one to comfort you? Wasn’t that your loneliness who accompanied you when no one else did?

I started falling in love with my loneliness. It became like a habit to feel loneliness around me, even when there was a crowd around. I succumbed to it’s comfort, the comfort that ensured, no matter what happens to me, no one will even care, no one will be affected.

Oh that assurance, knowing you’ll not leave anyone in pain behind. That was so comforting that I gradually fell in love with that loneliness. I fell so hard that I stopped caring for who stays or who leaves me, creating a void around me, inside me, bigger and bigger with each passing day.

Like in every relationship, or should I say, in every toxic relationship, there comes a day when you can’t take it anymore and you decide to move on. I did that too. I surrounded myself with people whom I called… Sorry, not just called but considered them real friends. One by one, all the characters played their parts in my life and they kept moving on, leaving me behind. I guess I deserved it for I had abandoned one of my truest love, my loneliness.

Hi loneliness! We meet again. I knew that one day, I’ll come back to you. I’m sorry for even thinking that there could be someone who would comfort me like you did. I have learnt, all of them give false and temporary hopes and they are all futile. When a person loses all hopes, you are the one to stand by their side.

Everyone I came across while I was away from you, they all have gone far away. They all left for some or the other reason. And I’m here once again, alone, with you. I do not wish to lose you again. Stay with me and take me back. I’m ready for you. I know, no one else but you would accompany me in my last breath.

How does it feel to drag?

The first picture was taken a couple of days before I shaved my beard. My hair was shampooed in the morning before I left for my work.

The second picture was taken a couple of days after the first pic. Shaved, not shampooed hair, makeup on, nothing unusual.

In the first pic, I don’t think I look bad (because I can’t look bad in pictures) but when you look at the second picture, you feel like that’s such a pretty lady. I don’t mean to sound like I’m full of myself (maybe a little bit?) but you have to agree, the second picture does look like the old Hollywood actresses’ look. Even the messed up hair feels like has fallen to right places. It doesn’t look slutty or cheap but more like sultry and romantic.

I’m the same person in the end, behind those beard as well as the makeup. I feel the same way for the people I love and the ones I don’t. It doesn’t change. If I love someone, I still love that person.

I have not done drag drag previously but I have gone out in makeup many times with my beard and liner and jewelries, because I love to bend the gender roles in dressing and I still love to do it and I will continue doing it.

However I wanted to try drag because for me, it’s an art. To become like a woman, to maybe appear like someone you love so much is a form of art. For example, when I saw my picture, I felt like I looked like my mother in her young age (taller body with shorter hair version though).

To become so pretty that you feel you are exactly like your mother, a face you have loved since your first breath is no less than an art form. To feel what your mother might have felt amongst men staring at her, to feel what it feels like to be a woman takes courage, pair of metal balls, might I say.

It’s not some mere desire to look like a woman nor some dirty trick to get men in the bed. Honestly, the side of men you’ll see after going drag, you might would want to give up on the desire for men, it can be so nasty. However, heart wants what it wants.

It’s not some fun game honey! It takes a lot of nerve to do drag or might I say, it takes a lot of nerve to be a woman. So before you consider a queen some cheap cross dresser you hooked up with over Grindr, you better watch your mouth.

And to all the queens who have been doing this for so long, you all have my respect and love.

Today is my birthday

Today is my birthday and I am not happy. Despite of getting 130 birthday wishes by now, all of them wishing me for a happy day, I am not. I was so excited for my birthday and I don’t even know why.

I thought it will be the day when the ones I love will remember me after a year. They will probably call or drop a text to me. Well, a lot of people did but there are a few whom I gave a part of my heart, haven’t. Maybe they will remember me later, maybe they will never wish me, I don’t know.

I also realized that I am turning old and I haven’t managed to find one person who will be there with me as my partner. I haven’t found anyone who can make me a human again, who can bring me back from this self destructive dead existence.

I have lived alone giving love and a family to those whom I love but that is just not enough I guess. It’s never enough. The only end result of my love is to watch them go with someone else.

Probably, I need to end this life and begin a new one completely fresh with new challenges and new life. I think I need to decide something soon.

It wasn’t a date…

He was as beautiful as the morning sun shining through the small water drop holding on to the spike of the pine leaf after a chilly snow fall. Those green eyes glimmer in the dim streetlight through those big beautiful lashes as if the child inside him lives in the silent moments of the night.

His smile is mischievous and the curve of his lips hide his eyes as they stretch for the smile. His hair is as wild as his spirit and they peep through that big beanie that he is fond of. That one lock of his hair that wouldn’t listen and will fall on his face no matter what he does. Those beard are pointy but they all look as if they know which direction to grow without failing.

We would walk on the streets holding each others hands. I would hold him as he comfortably curls into my arms when we go to sleep. That kiss, that first kiss of the year, just made me feel like, in this moment, I have got everything that I want, everything that I ever needed. 

No sadness, no depression, no anxiety, no mood swings. It felt like I have it all and I could live in this moment forever. Oh, I would give anything to have that moment as the only moment of my life. My soul felt happy. 

But… It wasn’t a date. We didn’t mean to feel the love. It just happened. I was scared to even hold him close because he came in as a guest. You don’t know if he would end up feeling that I wanted sexual favors for letting him stay at my home right? But once we held each other, we spent moments together. 

The simplest memories of being with him, walking the streets holding the hands while people looked at us is beautiful. I don’t even know what their expressions were because I was caught up in the beauty of that boy. I mean, what else can you expect? 

I have told myself several times now, he’s not gonna stay. You don’t know how he feels about you. You don’t know if he feels for you how you feel for him. But for some reason, the moment his face shines through his beautiful mane, my heart skips a beat and the moment he smiles, I forget what was I telling myself. 

I guess, the moments that I shared with him were the most beautiful ones I can have as my new year’s beginning. Whatever that was, wasn’t a date but it was perfect. 

Tomorrow, once he will be gone for good, I might will need a long time to forget and move on. I’ll take a leave now, hoping that these moments in my mind never fade away. 

Good night. 

Discrimination in renting

Are you earning enough to pay your rents on time? Are you paying your rents on time? Are you living without creating any nuisance and disturbance for your neighbors? Do you have no criminal background? 

Well, these are certain questions that one should be concerned about when giving a place on rent. But the sad part is, in Mumbai, a city of dreams, where one expects a little liberal society, the landlords, society, etc these people love to make this city of dreams a city of nightmare when it comes up renting out a place. 

In Malad West, near Atharva college, there is a society named Ashmita Jyoti. Two of my friends rented out a place on the second floor. When taking the place, the broker ensured them that as long as you people don’t create noise, it’s OK if your friends visit.

On my way to my home, their home comes first, so I drop by once in a while. We have food together, talk, watch movies together etc. We sometimes play music which is usually never audible outside the room. You’ll know it when you’ll come to this house. We have birthday parties or festival celebrations which is again a gathering of a few people and you can’t hear anything outside. I know it because everytime I go out to get cigarettes, the moment the door closes, the voices aren’t audible. 

However, the people of the society still ended up having problem. The landlord of my friends had seen me, the blonde haired guy and my other friend, a blonde dread lock haired guy at this house. After few weeks, landlord started calling my friends saying, society people are complaining that everyday you have friends coming in. When asked, if there is any noise or disturbance? There was no answer to it. 

My friends and we all decided that we will visit less frequently. We went to celebrate Diwali to their house. Well you don’t celebrate Diwali sitting in one place and not meeting your only family, your friends in the city, do you? Guess what! The next day, the complaint was, your friends have… WAIT FOR IT… “WEIRD HAIR“. Yes, my dear friends, people of Ashmita Jyoti have issues with what is your HAIRSTYLE. 

Me and these friends of mine went to Goa on first of November randomly and came back today and now this landlord called them saying, a girl visited your home yesterday and people are complaining that you all are gay.

Now people have problems with if your friends are coming home, if your friends have different hairstyle, if you’re gay, what you do within your four walls, which TV series you watch, how many teeth you have, how many RBCs does your body contain and probably they also have problem with what color of poop you excrete. 

This is just a clear sign of no matter if you want to have peaceful life or what, these homophobic people don’t want to see us in peace. They just need reasons to create disturbances. Not just us but these people have no good to do so they want to create the lives hell for everyone else who is not them. Religion, caste, food habit, sexuality, birth place, etc, they can make a complaint against you for anything. 

They may not have any proof of anything but still they will make complaint. Now my friend are being asked to leave and look for new house in couple of months but the question is, without doing anything wrong they now need to go through shifting again and not to forget brokerage is also a thing. 

It’s pathetic and horrible on societies and landlords like these. Not that anyone would care about it and the politicians have everything they need, why should they bother about “miniscule minorities”? 

Discrimination in the name of preference

So, being androgynous, I’m less of a man for the world. I’m effeminate because I’m not masculine enough and I often come across people who would say, “no offence but I don’t like effeminate guys”.

Now, many of you may not find it offensive or discriminatory, however, for a person who has been facing discrimination for all his life, fighting against the bullies still standing strong as who he is, you don’t really get the right to say, “you shouldn’t feel bad”, unless you’ve been on the receiving end. 

For me, masculine guys are a turn off but I prefer to say, “I prefer twinks”. If the person is still persistent, I simply start ignoring them. Ignoring someone may seem to be rude but ignoring a person whom you have clarified you aren’t attracted to them isn’t as rude as saying, “I don’t like bulky guys”. Because the moment you do that, it will hurt the ego of those gym freaks that how can he say no to a hot guy like me. 

A guy who spends time in gym, invests his time and money to get that body. He has done a hard work to get that body and that’s why they can feel offended when someone tells them that they are not someone’s type. Similarly, an effeminate guy has been through a lot of mental and social stigma. They have worked hard to be where they are and who they are and hence they too can feel offended by statements like, “I don’t like effeminate guys”.

Stop justifying your statement and think from their perspective for once. Moreover, stop giving stupid excuses for your statement. This one guy had an excuse, “I’m gay because I prefer GUYS. If I had to date someone feminine, I’d have been straight.” Trust me, he isn’t the only one to think like that. I’ve seen many such people. 

Here’s the thing, sexuality is purely determined by the sexual organs and not by gender. That’s why everyone needs to learn the difference between gender and sex. A straight man is a person with male genitalia (read dicks) and attracted to female genitalia (read vagina) and vice versa. Similarly, a gay man is a person with male genitalia and attracted to male genitalia.  

What I’m trying to say is, you are not gay because you like masculine people but because you like dicks over pussy. There are many masculine girls, doesn’t mean you can imagine having sex with her. Similarly straight men prefer pussy not femininity otherwise, they wouldn’t have minded dating effeminate guys. Now that its clear, why you are gay, lemme tell you guys a little secret : Effeminate guys also have dicks.

When you say, “I don’t like effeminate guys”, what you’re actually saying is, “I don’t like dicks of people who make me feel that they should’ve had pussy”. Now if that’s not offensive, then I don’t know what is. You might be best friends with effeminate guys, but with that one “I don’t like effeminate guys” you showed that you’re distrustful towards your own friends. 

There are so many way to not be offensive, like:

  1. I don’t get sexually attracted to guys like you but I don’t mind being friends (its not like every gay guy you come across, you have sex with them). 
  2. I am sexually attracted to such guys. 
  3. I prefer this type of guys. 
  4. I’m sorry but I think you should find someone else. 
  5. I have my eyes for someone else. 

And so many other ways. All you need to do is feel what your words can make others feel. That’s why we are humans. We have the capability to understand what others can feel and strive to help each other grow strong, instead of casually saying anything and then trying to defend it. Be kind to others as long as they are not being rude to you. 

Effeminate guys are guys too. Not liking them is not your preference. Your preference can be hunks, twinks, bears, otters, nerd, geek, etc. When you have to tell someone, tell them your preference. Why do you have to mention what is NOT your preference? 

With that, I should head to my work now. Enjoy your day and think before you speak.