I don’t know why or how or when or who did this to me. I don’t know if this will last forever or will this even stay for a few days. You know what? I don’t really care for future. I don’t really want to think about it. I just know that I got a smile after a long time on my face. It came to me out of of contentment, out of satisfaction that I will do something and make my life better in any which way.
I see light, a ray of hope. I don’t know the destination and I don’t really care because the journey which seemed to be difficult, full of thorns and darkness, just restarted near a path which leads to a beautiful morning, a beautiful path. No, this path is not the best nor made of flower beds, but you see, a man dying of thirst feels happy to even see a mirage. But for me, this is more than a mirage. It is real. I have started my journey and I am glad I did.
I have many things to mend from the past, and I will, but for now, I want to create my world so beautiful that even if I go back to mend my past, I don’t end up getting stuck there. I want to make sure that I have a beautiful present to return to. I want my world to be beautiful. I want to love myself, for being able to love, to live and to smile even after all the darkness and pain. I want to hug myself and tell myself that I did a good job. And to be able to do that, I need to make sure that I am worthy of it. I am not one of those who appreciate so easily. LOL.
I felt the happiness today and its because I felt that I will not waste my existence. I felt that I can be useful. I realized that I will do something to make myself proud. I don’t care if anyone else is proud of me or not because in the end, I don’t want to stand blank when I ask myself, what good did I do in my life. I need to be able to answer myself, how I survived the worst, how I grew up (and yet be a kid), how I lived. I want to be able to answer myself. I want to be able to see myself with pride in my eyes.
Yeah one thing I am sure of is, I will always remember my friends who stood by my side, who were always there helping me in one way or the other. Without them, I would have been shattered, lost and maybe even dead. My friends held me when I fell, they carried me when I was broken, they gave me reason to live, to smile, to face the worst. They fed me, sheltered me, cared for me, loved me, took care of me, scolded me, did everything to get me out of the problems I had been and am facing. They are the best thing happened to me in this world. I wish everyone to have such amazing friends. I wasn’t sure to whom to talk in my times of distress but now I know who all not to forget in my times of happiness. If you are reading this and had been there to see me go through the problems and have stood by my side even remotely, then I need you to know that I am grateful to you and I am glad to have you as my friend. Your mere words of consolation has also given me the strength you cannot imagine. Thank you.
Thank you all for being there. You guys are the reason why I am living. You guys are the reason for my happiness. I love you all. Stay with me. Blessed be you.