Smudged liner

I put on some liner around my eyes, got dressed up for a party, walked in alone. People came in. Everybody danced till their hearts were satisfied. I saw a guy. He was cute. I was not able to decide what to do.

I wanted to tell him how beautiful his eye were, how rosy his lips were. I wanted to tell him how different he was from the crowd. I wanted to tell him how his eyes have got me looking into those without a blink. Wish I had the courage to walk up to him and tell him that I wish to steal one kiss from him and find my solace. Wish I had the courage to tell him that I want to stay right here looking at him forever.

I couldn’t. He had very similar eyes to those whom once I loved (I still do as a matter of fact). I was scared. I have lived alone for so long that I couldn’t gather my courage to tell him any of it. I wish I knew what will happen. Maybe I was scared that what if I mess it up? What if he doesn’t like me? I held myself back and turned away.

After party, I went back home, fell on my bed. There, near the lampshade, still lies that picture of you sleeping. I looked at it and a tear rolled down my cheek. I hid my face in the pillow on which you used to sleep. When I lifted my face up, I saw a small black spot which I realized was because of my liner. I looked at your face once again, drew my hand out to reach your photograph. I brought it close, gave it a kiss. It still feels good to kiss you, just that, it doesn’t feel like your lips anymore but just cold glass.

I went to the bathroom, looked at myself in the mirror. I remembered you had once asked me not to cry ever again and yet I cried. I know I broke my promise but what does it mean anymore, now that you are not around? But still I cleared my tears, for your promise…

For you.

Even though I know I will cry again. Knowing that I have lived without you for so long that I cannot live with someone else. I have learnt to live with that craving for someone to love me. I know I will be alone…

Forever.

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