Walking down the dark alley, in the middle of the night, all alone by himself, he lit up his cigarette. A thought crossed his mind, “What am I doing?”
Since childhood, he had seen so many things that he was more mature than many elder to him. He was 20 but his wisdom could stun anyone double his age. But was that wisdom enough? He often wondered about life, love, family, relationships, et al. Yet he knew that he was incomplete.
The wisdom had not helped him attain the peace within. The pain that he had faced in the past would still bother him. He was looking for peace but never found it.
He knew what he is doing will draw him closer and closer to his end. Yet he will walk on that path for he had realized, we all are walking to our ends anyway. Some choose to prolong it and some choose to meet the end soon.
He took a puff of the smoke. The only light around was the red hot burning tobacco at the tip of the cigarette. Every time he took a puff, his mind would play tricks on him which he would enjoy.
In the times when family, friends and the close ones were not there for him, the tears spilled in the darkness had been his one true love.
Now, darkness has become his friend for all his bad times. He would cry, he would contemplate, he would try to find his answers in the darkness. The darkness had helped him become what he was in such a way that the darkness he loved had creped into him.
He wanted to be a photographer,a profession of light, but today he is lurking in the dark trying to find the reason and answers.
He looked back into the past and realized what he had always wanted and what life had made him. A small boy who wanted to live peacefully, have a family, a nice job and one person to love him, is now not sure what will his life be.
With time, he had realized he will never have a family, he will never have a love. He just knew one thing for sure and that was he will always live a life of uncertainty.
He stopped to think where was he going. The question came to his mind as a question of his next step heading towards the darkness. But then he took another puff of the cigarette and his mind played yet another trick, that one simple question became the question of his life.
He now realized that the place where he stands in his life is the place from where if he moves any further, there would be only one result, the death within, the peace.
And such is the life, it stirs you so many times that you forget the count of it. He realized if he attains that peace, then what? That will be the dearth of who he was. That will be the death of the soul searcher.
He took his step back, turned around, chose a new path. While he was walking the path started to light up. The street lights filtered through the leaves of the trees, the pebbles on the ground, the puddles glittering, the fallen leaves floating, everything became visible. Everything looked beautiful.
He realized, “I am the creator of the beauty in the darkness. I am the creator of beauty in the light. I am the creator of beauty. I am my creator.”