Eyes on me

Today, I was going for choir practice (yes I’m a part of India’s first gay choir group, Rainbow voices). On my way, while I was in an auto rickshaw, another one was driving just next to us. Busy on my phone, I didn’t notice what was happening. When all of a sudden my driver shouted, “Marad hai. Mud mud k dekhne ki zaroorat nahi. Agey badh.” (He’s a man. No need to turn your heads. Go ahead.)

That caught my attention. I asked him what happened. The driver replied they were thinking there’s a woman sitting and all of them (the other driver and three passengers) were trying to catch up the pace to stare at you. I felt safe for that man defended me when other men were ogling at me.

Hence, I’m gonna write this post to all the men and women (yes women too) who always turn their heads back to me to see and gossip about me wearing makeup.

Look at me, laugh at me, gossip about how I look and get disgusted by my presence. I don’t care. For I exist and just like you have your choice of wearing burkha, salwar, gown or top and jeans, just like you have choice of wearing shirt and trousers, dhoti or lungi, suit and tie, T-shirt and jeans, vest and shorts, etc., similarly I have my choice of wearing what I want.

Giggle behind my back or look at me with the surprise because there’s nothing more that you can do.

Vacate all the seats when I sit somewhere, go away from me like I’ll spread my “disease to you” I don’t care as long as I have my seat and you don’t bother me.

Be confused. Call me he or call me she. For that matter, call me ze if you want to, for I am the best of all worlds, or shall I say genders. I just don’t go by any defined gender.

Call me whore, call me slut, call me hijra, call me eunuch, I don’t care. For every word that you think will be derogatory to me, it only gives me strength to live and makes me stronger than ever.

Your hate towards me only reflects your personality and not how weird I am. For everything that exists in this world today was once something weird for others.

For every hate you sent my way, for every names you called me for who I am, I wish I could rip your heart out and crush it under my six inches heels as you have always tried to make my life hell. But I am much better in taking revenge. I will let you live and let you rot in your skin while you see me live a victorious life.

And to all of you out there who can dare to walk beside me or choose your own path that no one ventured before, and as long as it makes you happy and it doesn’t harm someone else, be assured that you have my support and so of many others who dared to be different. Let not this world tell you that you are not beautiful.

65 thoughts on “Eyes on me

  1. You are amazing and Violet !! that’s what makes you Special. I won’t comment much for I know you are strong , wild and young !! So get your heels up and run the World. You and God have better things to do in life then hating or mocking Gays !! So you know … Walk on πŸ˜€

  2. i wouldn’t say much.u are strong anyway.but u definetely got beautiful eyes πŸ˜‰ ..some drama in them ..

  3. respect man..ssly..I’m not bothered abt who u r..a man r a woman r wateva..bt u r one real human. being a man r woman doesn’t count bt being human does.. how long will v let others decide our life..its high tym to stand up fo ourselves and wat v wish to be. and with tht I say u r a complete icon. way to go..!! god bless..btwn wat a sense of make up u have !! ❀

  4. hey u are incredible and awesome yaar.u have such a courageous heart (beautiful eyes too) and hats off to you

  5. Hey my amazing friend. I am proud of u forbeing who u are and for standing for urself. Just be what u r nd be happy with it because this is what matters. World is full of fools who doesnt peep in their own lives nd just peep in others to have a life. god bless u. lots of love.

  6. To be a man and crossdress in Indian public is not an easy task. We need more rebellious MEN like you in our country. You are India’s Conchita! #WeAreUnstoppable

  7. Oh, wow. This is inspirational. Some of us are shy about admitting to things that people wouldn’t even bat an eyelid about. And here you are, being yourself in the face of all the ignorance and hate that society throws your way. That’s awesome. Keep going. I hope you excel at everything and make them haters’ jaws drop!!! They’ll regret being spiteful.
    P.S. you’re more well put-together than I (a straight girl) will ever be. Those eyes haha :)x

  8. Hey I loved your article and let me tell you that you are gorgeous! People will talk come what may but its your choice whether to listen to them or be happy! Keep smiling and I would love to personally get in touch with you . you seem to have a beautiful spirit! Cheers πŸ™‚

  9. Much love and support to you! Be the proud you, you are! All the best for tomorrow! (Opening night) awaiting the performance.

  10. you are not only an amazing writer but also a strong and inspiring person…i got your link from my friend and just because of her “you got to read this” got me a new start for the day today…grow strong and beutiful till the end more then you are now…you gonna rockk for sure…

  11. I respect you and your blog is just terrific. It’s amazing how you described your feelings and spoke for many others out there! I salute you for who you are and how you cope with your obstacles. Don’t let them make you crazy. You look awesome and you sure have deep beautiful eyes. Love and hugs from Holland!

  12. First a big tight hug friend, you are beautiful. And yes I totally agree. I can’t find words to express my feelings right now but I hope you understand. Keep that spirit buddy. Once again big hug. ^_^

  13. Hey Divyaroop! You are absolutely amazing. To live life on your own terms, to not give a fuck about what ppl say. It’s something I wish I could do, but find it so difficult to do so because I’ve been taught to keep my sexuality to myself in order to avoid a ‘scandal’ in the family and in ‘society’ and on some level, I’m ashamed of who I am. Reading this, seeing who you are, if there’s one thing ppl can’t call you, it’s ‘fake’. You’re true to yourself. Respect!! 😊 You’ve inspired me to try and muster up the courage to break free from the shackles of guilt and shame and live life on my terms, freely. Big hug from me!

  14. U r beautiful n that is what i really think. Standing, accepting n being proud about anyone imperfection is always difficult n they way u have done that beautifully. I wish we had that capacity to accept ourself n could just stop pretending or being fake. Hugsss. Thank u soo much for showing how ugly can socity or we as an individual can be. Love.

    1. The day we will start loving ourselves the way we are and the day we will start accepting others the way they are, the world will have lesser depression and anxiety issues and maybe will have more happiness rate than it is currently. πŸ™‚

  15. i wish i knew u personally and could be ur frnd..bt nywayz u got urself another fan buddy..
    beautiful..you and ur writing.. :* :* πŸ˜‰

  16. It doesn’t compute for me that people would laugh at you. Because you’re drop dead gorgeous.
    I think ten times before wearing bell bottoms, and here you are, so brave, being you.

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