Monthly Archives: October 2015

I Need Answers

Today, I went to attend an GLBT event near my home. The venue was five minutes away, like you walk down the lane and its there. Near that venue, there’s a lane with chawls (lane of poor houses).

It was a beautiful day. I was wearing a vest and my leggings for the event. I attended one event and in the break, I went with my friend to get cigarettes. The only cigarette shop closer was in that chawl lane.

It was middle of the day. On my way back, a drunk guy from the chawls bumped into me with wrong intentions and he touched my penis. Because of my natural instincts, I slapped that guy. What would have you done my dear people of government?

Next thing I know is, bunch of guys were pulling my hair, kicking me on my balls, punching me on my nose, face, hitting me with the stool, bamboo sticks. My clothes were torn in the middle of the road.

I was sexually abused and thrashed. I was called hijra, chhakka (a derogatory term for hijras) and what not. I have scars all over my body and I’m internally injured.

My friend ran to bring others from the venue. By that time, there was only one girl from chawl and a guy who took me away. When the people from the venue came, they took me away. I wished them dead. I wished them to suffer their whole life.

What else I could have done? Gone to doctor where they would have asked me to lodge police complain. Police would have taken them to prison, keep them there for a day and then leave them. These guys have been going to jail very often and they do not really care about that (as tools by that girl).

What is judiciary doing for us? Leaving the people in a day who sexually abuse and thrash another guy for being who he wants to be but putting the people behind jail for lifetime with no release, if that person has consensual sex with another person of same sex (technically, that’s what law is about).

Is this fair? What’s my fault? I was dressed slutty? Is it not rape that my clothes were torn in the middle of the road? What’s the difference between a girl’s clothes getting torn and man’s clothes getting torn? Just that men do not have breast?

Till when government or society will be hell bent on telling us that what we have suffered is our fault? What is it that the government doing to ensure security to everyone? Still so many women are raped, molested and abused but what do we do?

I did not go to lodge a complain because my house is nearby. I am living on a rent and those people will get released next day and they will make my as well as my landlady’s life hell. I will keep shut because judiciary CANNOT ensure the security of my life or others’ lives. Their duty is to file a complain for your heart’s satisfaction, put them in prison so that you feel better and then leave them.

In short, its better to keep your mouth shut than to speak up. That’s what you all have taught us and implemented all the time. Till when? A girl got raped and killed, people protested, lit candlelight for her, rapists got punishment because it for hyped and everything is over. Women are still getting raped.

Sexual harassment against women are still going unreported forget about men. In India, men do not get raped according to people. Its not about me right now, or nirbhaya (the Delhi rape case), its about everyone.

Till when we need to live in this dangal raj? What strict actions have been ensure in such cases? A woman’s rape case gets the hype by the media, how many guys like me have suffered and have been suffering. What justice can we expect?

Forget justice, once it is done, people forget. What examples have we set? What security do we have? Keep your sympathies with yourself, for I have been bruised today, tomorrow I will put on my makeup and hide all my scars. I’ll sing and dance and leave this behind me.

If you really empathize, spread it. Don’t stop till we have solution. Let the words reach out to the judiciary, to the law enforcement team, to the government.

If you don’t give a damn, continue with your life till you or someone in your family has to suffer the same. And if that’s what it takes for you to open your eyes and speak up, then I pray you suffer the same fate.

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चल तुझे नया जाहाँ दिखाऊँ

सुना है तितली के पँखों से
दूर कहीं तूफान उठा
सोचता हूँ कि मैं भी अपने
बंधन तोड़ कर पँख फैलाऊँ।

तुम्हारी अनकही बातों ने भी
बरबस ही मुझे रुलाया है
क्यों न तुम्हारी खामोशी में मैं
अपने पँखों से तूफान ले आऊँ।

बहुत कोशिशें की है तुमने
मेरा वजूद मिटाने की
आज इस तूफान से तेरे
घमण्ड का मैं वजूद मिटाऊँ।

आज मुझे ये इल्म हुआ है
बेमतलब है तेरा डरना मुझसे।
किताबों के उन पन्नों से आ
तुझको भी मैं रिहा कराऊँ।

भूल जा बस कुछ पल को
लिखा था जो उन किताबों में
चल तुझको मैं खुशियों के
नए नए कुछ रंग दिखाऊँ।

रोता होगा खुदा वो बैठा
देख के तेरी नफ़रत को
दिए हैं तुझको ज़ख्म जो उसने
चल उन पर भी मैं मलहम लगाऊँ।

रब मेरा वो देख रहा है
किसमें कितना बैर बसा
काट ले मेरे पँख भी ज़ालिम
फिर भी मैं अब रुक न पाऊँ।

गर खुदा की कदर है तुझको
छोड़ दे झूठी नफरत को
हाथ थाम, मैं खुशियों का
चल तुझे नया जाहाँ दिखाऊँ।