Monthly Archives: January 2018

It wasn’t a date…

He was as beautiful as the morning sun shining through the small water drop holding on to the spike of the pine leaf after a chilly snow fall. Those green eyes glimmer in the dim streetlight through those big beautiful lashes as if the child inside him lives in the silent moments of the night.

His smile is mischievous and the curve of his lips hide his eyes as they stretch for the smile. His hair is as wild as his spirit and they peep through that big beanie that he is fond of. That one lock of his hair that wouldn’t listen and will fall on his face no matter what he does. Those beard are pointy but they all look as if they know which direction to grow without failing.

We would walk on the streets holding each others hands. I would hold him as he comfortably curls into my arms when we go to sleep. That kiss, that first kiss of the year, just made me feel like, in this moment, I have got everything that I want, everything that I ever needed. 

No sadness, no depression, no anxiety, no mood swings. It felt like I have it all and I could live in this moment forever. Oh, I would give anything to have that moment as the only moment of my life. My soul felt happy. 

But… It wasn’t a date. We didn’t mean to feel the love. It just happened. I was scared to even hold him close because he came in as a guest. You don’t know if he would end up feeling that I wanted sexual favors for letting him stay at my home right? But once we held each other, we spent moments together. 

The simplest memories of being with him, walking the streets holding the hands while people looked at us is beautiful. I don’t even know what their expressions were because I was caught up in the beauty of that boy. I mean, what else can you expect? 

I have told myself several times now, he’s not gonna stay. You don’t know how he feels about you. You don’t know if he feels for you how you feel for him. But for some reason, the moment his face shines through his beautiful mane, my heart skips a beat and the moment he smiles, I forget what was I telling myself. 

I guess, the moments that I shared with him were the most beautiful ones I can have as my new year’s beginning. Whatever that was, wasn’t a date but it was perfect. 

Tomorrow, once he will be gone for good, I might will need a long time to forget and move on. I’ll take a leave now, hoping that these moments in my mind never fade away. 

Good night.