Tag Archives: family

The one I always Harass

OK! I know the title sounds like I am some criminal but let me assure you, it’s not what it looks like. This post is about someone who never gives up on me and how, from a college junior, he became an unsung savior of my life.

Meet my skinny skeletal savior, Saif Haider aka Saifuddin Siddiquie, as I named him. (OK I’m NOT body shaming him. I’m skinny too. Also, my auto correct keeps changing his last name to “Harder”. I wonder why…)

Now, look at that face and tell me if he isn’t cute AF. (A little secret: it’s just filters).

We met in my college. He was a newbie and I was in the third semester of my college if I’m not mistaken. You know how the college seniors are. They get fresh meat every year till they pass out (I don’t mean drunk and how) and they pick random kids and take their intro rounds.

This one was our special pick, timid, skinny and bossy amongst all the newbies. Well, I later realized that he wasn’t being bossy. Rather everyone loves him almost immediately after meeting him.

He’s helping, kind, charming and stupid too. I loved him for being stupid. I always love twinks who are little stupid. But then he was from the same subject as mine, which was computer science. Girls and gurls, if you don’t know what does that mean, let me tell you. All you need to know is, a person in that course usually has an analytical mind, unless they are just a victim of what parents asked them to do. So that makes him a stupid intelligent person… Is that oxymoron? Is that even possible? I don’t know.

Whether it’s possible or not, I liked this guy from the very first day. Eventually, I got to know, he’s from “My Hometown” *singing in Adele’s voice*. (Did you guys do that too? I’m sure you did if you know the song.) That became a thing. Me, Ameekar (I don’t know if you guys have been following me everywhere but you must know, that’s one of my BFF and my family as well), his younger brother Nishikar and Said. The four of us from the same ancestral place. We bonded over that and our course and eventually became very close friends.

Before he entered the college, my college knew about my sexuality. With Saif I don’t think I ever had to come out to him (Saif correct me if I’m wrong). He knew and he never said anything offensive or against me. Rather he loved me, like a family.

You know how life sometimes plays a game so that you can weed out the unwanted toxins from your friend/social circle? Something similar happened to me back then. I didn’t have a home or anything. This boy gave me a shelter and would come every once in a while to check back on me. He took care of me when there was no one and he still does.

He’ll do everything to make things work and sort out EVERY possible things that he can and will go beyond. I never understood why but I at least know there are people like him, maybe only a few but someone you can always count on. I have been such an awful friend to everyone all my life and I swear to God, it’s not even funny. I never call anyone, I don’t remember to text people for months. But this boy always gets back to me.

I think, I’ve always contacted him whenever I was in a need of something and he always gets it done, unless it’s beyond his control as well. I come across as such a mean person who just talks to people when he needs help but then as a child, we were trained to use the phone only when there’s an emergency so that you reach out to people. I guess, every since childhood, I never liked having a conversation over the phone.

I know many people who have a complaint regarding this attitude and there are people who actually won’t be bothered now if I call them. But this boy, he never complained about it. Rather, he is exactly how he was 3 years ago.

I have slapped him (non violent slaps/friendly slaps) so many times. I beat him every time I meet him. That’s how I express my love to someone I dearly care about. If I can be comfortable enough to physically hit you, it means I know you belong to me and I will always love you and care for you. It’s weird I know. Shut up.

I really don’t know what good have I done to deserve this person in my life, but this boy has been a savior and he proves that you don’t have to have a pumped up body to save someone and you don’t need to have everything to be there for the ones you love.

PS He’s not gay. All you perverts, back off. He’s mine.

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I wish…

I am 25 years old and I have seen so much in my life that I wish I had not. You must have heard “being gay is normal” several times but what no one tells you is, living life of a gay guy who does not fit in the boxes, in a world filled with homophobia, is not going to be a normal life.

Some times I don’t know if going through all the things that I have been through was worth it or not. But there are days when I convince myself that all of this would make sense one day. One day, all of this would be a just a nightmare. One day, someone will wake up and none of it will to be real for them.

When you have seen a trans person crying in the middle of the night after being sexually harassed, you would not like to trust in humanity. When you have sucked penis of a “straight guy” without consent, just to save a drunk girl from harassment, you won’t believe in straight people being straight.

When you have seen parents abandoning their children because of their sexuality, you would not like to trust on any relative. When you have seen friends turning against you, you would not be able to trust people easily. When you have seen your love moving on to a “better looking guy”, you would not like to believe in the concept of true love.

When you have seen the people of your community discriminating their own people, you would not like to believe that there is a community. When you have seen one community divided into several communities and you do not fit in those separated communities either, you would not like to accept anyone’s hand to accept you.

After seeing all of that, if you’ll see a few stories that are different from what you have seen personally, you can only feel happy for those people but those stories won’t bring back your faith. You will continue believing that those few stories are “exception”.

But the good side of all of that? You know what you don’t want for others. You learn to be humble and compassionate. But do you know what? It becomes more confusing because your experiences have made you heartless and yet you know how to spread love. You give love and respect to everyone as long as they deserve it, according to your ideas but you can’t accept the love from others.

I wish, when I wake up from this dream, this world will be a better and more accepting place. I wish…

Time Out – Movie review

I am surprised I’m doing this. Like seriously. I usually find it a waste of time to write any review about movies. For Hollywood movies, I feel, its just entertainment and it is not necessary that everyone will like the movie genres I like.

I prefer fantasy, magical world and such kind of movies. Its rare that I like any other movie. But I am doing this for the first time because I think it is important for people to watch such movies.

Time Out is a cute movie. Its one gay themed movie produced in India for which I can proudly say, “Hey! I watched that movie and its Indian film.”

Story is about two brothers and their bonds. Younger brother who idealizes his elder brother happens to find out that his brother is sleeping with another guy. How the younger brother goes through a sudden emotional turmoil as his ideal guy is someone he never expected.

The beauty of this film is, it did not try to explain the hows and whys of homosexuality. The movie ends in a situation where the younger brother does not say anything but goes up to his brother and hugs him.

It gives a message that sometimes its not necessary to find reasons or explain everything. All it requires is, just accept it and move on. You don’t need to understand because you may not understand everything. The more you’ll try to understand things, the more you will end up in a mess. So let things be and move on with it.

Comparing to other queer themed movies that are produced in India, this was, by far the best movie produced. I am not going to include low budget films made by budding artists in the comparison for now.

This movie gives a gist of the negativity against the community but still has a lot of positive feeling to it. And that is the best part of the movie. It has focused on positivity more.

Talking about technicalities, director has played it safe with the camera angels. I have came across quite a few queer film makers who love to experiment with the angels which ends up looking like unnecessary attempt. And because the director decided to use the traditional ways, the movie turned out to be exactly the way it should have been.

Dialogues were very much new age India which makes it feel more realistic and the youth can connect to it. The dialogue the main protagonist, the elder brother, delivers when his best friend comes to see him after he comes out to her, had a nice impact and makes so much sense. There was one funny dialogue which can easily get ignored where a member of the band shouts, “That was the best performance ever”, even though that was the first performance. But it goes unnoticed very easily because the audience is in the flow and feeling the joy of the kids.

Talking about the music, I loved all of them. The movie had sensible songs and I am thankful to the music director, lyricist, musicians and everyone associated with the music of it.

In all, I will recommend every youth and elder population to go and watch it. I can’t be any more happy to watch this film. The mere fact that I am compelled to write about it, is the proof of my happiness.

One more movie for which I am going to write a review is Sundar, in which my friend has acted.

Go watch both the films if you haven’t. Cheers.

I am my creator

Walking down the dark alley, in the middle of the night, all alone by himself, he lit up his cigarette. A thought crossed his mind, “What am I doing?”

Since childhood, he had seen so many things that he was more mature than many elder to him. He was 20 but his wisdom could stun anyone double his age. But was that wisdom enough? He often wondered about life, love, family, relationships, et al. Yet he knew that he was incomplete. Continue reading I am my creator

An open letter to our Prime Minister

To

Mr. Narendra Modi,

I am DivyaRoop, a citizen of India. I was born in Ranchi, Jharkhand. My parents are not rich people so I don’t have ways to reach you. Hence, I am writing this to you to seek the answers to the questions that haunt me day in and day out. Continue reading An open letter to our Prime Minister

I am free

We all live our lives. And the truth is, we all want to live happily. No one wants to live a life where you do not have the freedom to be who you really are.

I know many will feel outraged after reading my next few lines. So if you do, my humble apologies. It’s just an example. Continue reading I am free

You shameless western people!

“So as per the latest update, some of the shameless beings of our society are promoting public display of love and doing obscene things like kissing in public keeping our cultural values at stake. These people do not have any shame. They should rather go pee on the roadsides because that is much better than kissing in public. Of course, even for that, you must be a man. If you are a girl or a woman, you are wrong at every point anyway because hellooooooo… YOU ARE A WOMAN OKAYYYY????

What is this #KissOfLove nonsense? Bringing west to our culture. Such people I tell you. These people are shameless and have no self respect. They just want to adopt western culture. These people should leave India and go to USA. They are the slaves of such bad cultures.

Our Indian culture is soooo much better. If a guy will attend such protests, we will ask him to send his sisters and mothers to us. And if a girl attends such protest, it simply means that she is welcoming the rapists. Why should we even try to understand what was the aim of the protest? WHO CARES? Continue reading You shameless western people!

Our work

Hey everyone!

I know it’s been so long and I almost stopped posting here as often as I used to. I am really sorry about it. I’ve started working and hence I don’t get much time to write as often or think about what to write.

But today, I am really happy and I want to share my happiness with you all. Me and my friend Prateek have been working on a short film. It took around four or give months to finish this. There had been so many things happening that the production of this film for delayed.

My friend and coactors had exams, entrances, personal works and so many other things that kept coming up but finally our time, dedication and hard work has paid off in a forum of film that we wanted to create.

Here’s the YouTube link of the film:

Go watch this short film and share your views on it. You can also share the video if you like it. My friend wishes to pursue his career in film making and this was his first film where he has managed and did everything. So you words will help him grow and your appreciation will help him to motivate himself.

Thank you for giving your time to our film already. 🙂

What I can never understand…

I do not understand hate at all. I mean personal grudges or rivalries are fine because someone stole your girlfriend or harmed your loved ones in anyway or bought a better phone than yours are like personal reasons to envy someone or hate them but the hate for a whole community is something I can never understand.

One religious cult hates another one and kills the people who follow it or one region hates the other region and bombs it are the things I can never understand. And a kind of hate to which I am personally associated is hate towards sexuality other than heterosexuality. In this post, I am going to talk about the hate for alternate sexuality. Continue reading What I can never understand…

Stop being loud

“Its ok man. Your sexuality is just a part of you. Its not what defines who you are. You are more than your sexuality. Why the hell do you have to be so loud about your sexuality? Why do you have to make a big fuss out of it? Why do you need a pride parade to show off your sexuality? Why do you guys have to dress up in weird ways for such things? We straight people don’t have straight pride or anything like that. Because we know that our sexuality is not what defines us. You guys should understand that.”

Continue reading Stop being loud