Tag Archives: friends

Suicide awareness

Off late, there had been so many people who had been posting about suicide awareness, sharing that their doors are open for their friends, etc etc. Its really sweet of them to share it let people know that they are more than ​happy to lend a shoulder to cry on or an ear to hear out. However, here are some nasty truths about how it feels when you are being suicidal.

I got to admit, I have my days when I hit the rock bottom and feel like giving up on my life. I’m not proud of the things that I do to myself in those situations and I wish I could be like those who enjoy and laugh even​ in their toughest times. But I have different mind and different ways of reacting.

Many people, who know me, know that I go missing for days. Nowhere to be seen. A social butterfly suddenly becomes the rarest butterfly. Those are my days when I’m going through one or the other mental problem. What I do is hardly known to anyone.

This is how my general routine looks like:

I wake up, get ready, go to work, do my job, laugh along with colleagues, flirt with my crushes at work, come back home, have meal, smoke, sit in one corner of my room, keep checking every message but don’t reply, avoid meeting anyone, lay down, my tears keep falling, keep thinking about how terrible I am, not picking up anyone’s call. Apart from that, many things I do, which we all know are stupid. 

I try to do things that can make me focus on the physical pain instead of mental or emotional pain. I think of ways to end my life and then try not to do such things because I am living with bunch of strangers who should not be answering people about what or why did I do if I do something.

I do not feel like going out and meeting people. I’ll drink and smoke more than usual knowing that at least this is one poison that will kill me slowly. I become defensive towards my behavior by telling people that they know nothing so they shouldn’t tell me what should I do, if in case they figure out something’s wrong with me.

I try to distance myself from the people I love the most by picking up fights on random things just to make sure that they hate me enough so that if I die, they won’t cry. I try to cut my knots before I do anything to myself. 

Trust me, a person who has suicidal tendencies, are stubborn, stern and cold. They are rigid and know that their friends or anyone close to them will not like the idea that they want to die. They know how people will react. They know either people will back off and leave or else, they’ll try to sympathize or else they will try to reason with them why is it a bad idea.

That’s why, thank you for sharing your concern but I, in such a situation, knowing that your doors are open for me, will not come to you upfront to tell you, “Hey! I want to die.” Its not that easy. 

So, what you should do? Invite your friends randomly for drinks or dinner. Plan to meet your people and make sure you meet them and talk. That will help you to connect and understand if your friend is OK. Because no one will come to you directly when they are going through such s phase.

An open letter to our Prime Minister

To

Mr. Narendra Modi,

I am DivyaRoop, a citizen of India. I was born in Ranchi, Jharkhand. My parents are not rich people so I don’t have ways to reach you. Hence, I am writing this to you to seek the answers to the questions that haunt me day in and day out. Continue reading An open letter to our Prime Minister

I am free

We all live our lives. And the truth is, we all want to live happily. No one wants to live a life where you do not have the freedom to be who you really are.

I know many will feel outraged after reading my next few lines. So if you do, my humble apologies. It’s just an example. Continue reading I am free

What I can never understand…

I do not understand hate at all. I mean personal grudges or rivalries are fine because someone stole your girlfriend or harmed your loved ones in anyway or bought a better phone than yours are like personal reasons to envy someone or hate them but the hate for a whole community is something I can never understand.

One religious cult hates another one and kills the people who follow it or one region hates the other region and bombs it are the things I can never understand. And a kind of hate to which I am personally associated is hate towards sexuality other than heterosexuality. In this post, I am going to talk about the hate for alternate sexuality. Continue reading What I can never understand…

I am happy

I don’t know why or how or when or who did this to me. I don’t know if this will last forever or will this even stay for a few days. You know what? I don’t really care for future. I don’t really want to think about it. I just know that I got a smile after a long time on my face. It came to me out of of contentment, out of satisfaction that I will do something and make my life better in any which way. Continue reading I am happy

Last Tears

Is it worth crying? What will you get? Any solution? No. No, it never solved anything. Yet you cry; cry your heart out. It helps your heart feel less burdened. You see things. You see them clearly. You see where you are. You notice. You notice every details. You notice the unseen. You see beyond what your eyes can see. Continue reading Last Tears

Which path to go?

One thing my family always taught me is honesty. Even though I rarely lie but I lied to my own family about my sexuality for a long time. Maybe because I wasn’t sure or maybe because I was in denial. But as soon as I learned to live with my own self, my family got to know about my inclinations. Continue reading Which path to go?

They will not stand with you

My family always told me that no one will ever stand with you other than your own family. They told me only family can carry you along as you’ll never be a burden on them but for others, you will always be a liability. So you have only one option to stick to the family. Your friends will not be there when you’ll be in need. They won’t be there when you’ll be ill. They won’t take care of you. Its a duty of a family. Family looks after each other. Continue reading They will not stand with you