Tag Archives: happiness

In Love With A Straight Boy

I remember the first time he sent me friend’s request on Facebook. He was mutual friend of my college friend because they stayed in same locality. But his reason to send me request was not because he saw me as a mutual friend with someone he knew, like most of the kids do, but because he had seen me at Delhi Comic Con participating in cosplay.

My first question to him was, do you have any of our pics together? I was looking out for my pictures in the cosplay, I’m sorry. To my disappointment, he did not take any picture with me (I hate you for that BTW. I’m going to make you read this and you will know this is for you assh*le).

Anyway, I still let him be in my friends list even after such a disappointment. I’m such a kind person you see. Just kidding. I liked him actually because he was such a cute kid. Completely stupid, but cute. Plus point was, he has DOGS. And who does not love dogs and cute dog lovers? 

We never met after that. We exchanged numbers. Started talking over WhatsApp, which was on and off (mostly off because that b*tch is too pricy. *Insert a straight face emoticon here*). However, he was too cute to resist flirting with him and he knew my sexuality because… Well I’m like the rainbow unicorn farting rainbow gas and shitting rainbow all over my Facebook.

He was unlike many of those macho men who get offended or react to a man flirting with them. He knew my appreciation towards him was and is genuine. He started talking to me more comfortably. He would come to me with most silly questions.

He would come and tell me about his hookups with girls and ask me about his silly notions about STDs and sex and even about his concerns related to his genitals. He trusted me and he still does. He’ll cry alone and not tell anyone but he will talk to me. I’ll try to comfort him. 

In knowing that he trusts me and knowing that he does love me, I fell in love with him. I know we can’t be together and I do not wish to cause him any trouble for my happiness. But there is a love that we share which is between us despite of our sexualities. This love is beyond sexual desires, beyond brotherly love, beyond friendly love.

He knows that I want to cuddle with him, play with his hair throughout the night, hold him to sleep, protect and fight for him with anyone and anything and he loves me because he knows that my love for him is not going to change. He knows he can count on me and in return, I know, even though he hardly replies or shows his face, he is the one person I can count on for the love that is eternal.

Having said that, I know it in my head that he won’t be mine, so I know I’ll love him till the end but I can’t hold on to him. I know there’s someone out there who will be mine and I will not love him any less however, the reason why I wanted to write about my straight love is because people should know, sexuality may define what we like sexually but it still does not warrant the love you feel for someone.

People should know that love and sex are not necessarily mutual to each other. Yes, the best is when both are combined together but you can still find happiness with the two existing separately.

On that note, I’ll put this to rest and share the link with that boy on WhatsApp​ now. Thanks for reading. Do share your feedbacks. ❤

My BFF, My family

I know I am a bit late to wish you and I am sorry. My sweetest, dearest, most idiot love of all times, Ameekar, my bff, you have proved, time and again what does it mean to be best friends forever.

We have held each other up during our bad times. We were broken ourselves but won’t allow each other to break down by holding ourselves up. You never gave up on me and you always count on me. Nothing can take you away from me.

I don’t know what relationship do we share because bff is also a very small term for the love and relation we share at our hearts, and you know it. You are more than just a friend, you are more than a brother, you are more than bff.

You gave me shelter when I was homeless, you stood by me when I was broken. I don’t know how you did it and why you did it. How did we become so close is still a mystery to me. I still don’t remember how did we become so close from being a stranger to caring for each other more than others. Remind me if you can remember?

But the main point is, I know I will never be alone as long as I have you in life. I will always have a cry baby who will keep coming back to me and I will always keep coming back to you. I’m sorry that we are far apart and I miss you everyday still I can’t move back and I keep failing in keeping my promise of visiting soon but trust me, if it would have been so easy, I would have given up everything to be with you.

I know you trust me, so just trust me on this. I have reasons that I can’t explain but I am always there. You know I love you more than anything. You know a piece of my heart lives in you. I love you. 

You are my cute, sexy, sassy, hottie chooda and I love you to the end of the universe and back and then 4 times the same trip or even more. Happy birthday (belated) my love. I know you will make it big.

Some knowledge about androgyny

I had been planning to write down about androgyny for so long but I think every thing is planned. I was going through the people around on a dating app and I came across a guy who told me about his straight best friend who loves makeup, heels and feminine clothes. Continue reading Some knowledge about androgyny

चल तुझे नया जाहाँ दिखाऊँ

सुना है तितली के पँखों से
दूर कहीं तूफान उठा
सोचता हूँ कि मैं भी अपने
बंधन तोड़ कर पँख फैलाऊँ।

तुम्हारी अनकही बातों ने भी
बरबस ही मुझे रुलाया है
क्यों न तुम्हारी खामोशी में मैं
अपने पँखों से तूफान ले आऊँ।

बहुत कोशिशें की है तुमने
मेरा वजूद मिटाने की
आज इस तूफान से तेरे
घमण्ड का मैं वजूद मिटाऊँ।

आज मुझे ये इल्म हुआ है
बेमतलब है तेरा डरना मुझसे।
किताबों के उन पन्नों से आ
तुझको भी मैं रिहा कराऊँ।

भूल जा बस कुछ पल को
लिखा था जो उन किताबों में
चल तुझको मैं खुशियों के
नए नए कुछ रंग दिखाऊँ।

रोता होगा खुदा वो बैठा
देख के तेरी नफ़रत को
दिए हैं तुझको ज़ख्म जो उसने
चल उन पर भी मैं मलहम लगाऊँ।

रब मेरा वो देख रहा है
किसमें कितना बैर बसा
काट ले मेरे पँख भी ज़ालिम
फिर भी मैं अब रुक न पाऊँ।

गर खुदा की कदर है तुझको
छोड़ दे झूठी नफरत को
हाथ थाम, मैं खुशियों का
चल तुझे नया जाहाँ दिखाऊँ।

Time Out – Movie review

I am surprised I’m doing this. Like seriously. I usually find it a waste of time to write any review about movies. For Hollywood movies, I feel, its just entertainment and it is not necessary that everyone will like the movie genres I like.

I prefer fantasy, magical world and such kind of movies. Its rare that I like any other movie. But I am doing this for the first time because I think it is important for people to watch such movies.

Time Out is a cute movie. Its one gay themed movie produced in India for which I can proudly say, “Hey! I watched that movie and its Indian film.”

Story is about two brothers and their bonds. Younger brother who idealizes his elder brother happens to find out that his brother is sleeping with another guy. How the younger brother goes through a sudden emotional turmoil as his ideal guy is someone he never expected.

The beauty of this film is, it did not try to explain the hows and whys of homosexuality. The movie ends in a situation where the younger brother does not say anything but goes up to his brother and hugs him.

It gives a message that sometimes its not necessary to find reasons or explain everything. All it requires is, just accept it and move on. You don’t need to understand because you may not understand everything. The more you’ll try to understand things, the more you will end up in a mess. So let things be and move on with it.

Comparing to other queer themed movies that are produced in India, this was, by far the best movie produced. I am not going to include low budget films made by budding artists in the comparison for now.

This movie gives a gist of the negativity against the community but still has a lot of positive feeling to it. And that is the best part of the movie. It has focused on positivity more.

Talking about technicalities, director has played it safe with the camera angels. I have came across quite a few queer film makers who love to experiment with the angels which ends up looking like unnecessary attempt. And because the director decided to use the traditional ways, the movie turned out to be exactly the way it should have been.

Dialogues were very much new age India which makes it feel more realistic and the youth can connect to it. The dialogue the main protagonist, the elder brother, delivers when his best friend comes to see him after he comes out to her, had a nice impact and makes so much sense. There was one funny dialogue which can easily get ignored where a member of the band shouts, “That was the best performance ever”, even though that was the first performance. But it goes unnoticed very easily because the audience is in the flow and feeling the joy of the kids.

Talking about the music, I loved all of them. The movie had sensible songs and I am thankful to the music director, lyricist, musicians and everyone associated with the music of it.

In all, I will recommend every youth and elder population to go and watch it. I can’t be any more happy to watch this film. The mere fact that I am compelled to write about it, is the proof of my happiness.

One more movie for which I am going to write a review is Sundar, in which my friend has acted.

Go watch both the films if you haven’t. Cheers.

Eyes on me

Today, I was going for choir practice (yes I’m a part of India’s first gay choir group, Rainbow voices). On my way, while I was in an auto rickshaw, another one was driving just next to us. Busy on my phone, I didn’t notice what was happening. When all of a sudden my driver shouted, “Marad hai. Mud mud k dekhne ki zaroorat nahi. Agey badh.” (He’s a man. No need to turn your heads. Go ahead.)

Continue reading Eyes on me

I am free

We all live our lives. And the truth is, we all want to live happily. No one wants to live a life where you do not have the freedom to be who you really are.

I know many will feel outraged after reading my next few lines. So if you do, my humble apologies. It’s just an example. Continue reading I am free