The first picture was taken a couple of days before I shaved my beard. My hair was shampooed in the morning before I left for my work.
The second picture was taken a couple of days after the first pic. Shaved, not shampooed hair, makeup on, nothing unusual.
In the first pic, I don’t think I look bad (because I can’t look bad in pictures) but when you look at the second picture, you feel like that’s such a pretty lady. I don’t mean to sound like I’m full of myself (maybe a little bit?) but you have to agree, the second picture does look like the old Hollywood actresses’ look. Even the messed up hair feels like has fallen to right places. It doesn’t look slutty or cheap but more like sultry and romantic.
I’m the same person in the end, behind those beard as well as the makeup. I feel the same way for the people I love and the ones I don’t. It doesn’t change. If I love someone, I still love that person.
I have not done drag drag previously but I have gone out in makeup many times with my beard and liner and jewelries, because I love to bend the gender roles in dressing and I still love to do it and I will continue doing it.
However I wanted to try drag because for me, it’s an art. To become like a woman, to maybe appear like someone you love so much is a form of art. For example, when I saw my picture, I felt like I looked like my mother in her young age (taller body with shorter hair version though).
To become so pretty that you feel you are exactly like your mother, a face you have loved since your first breath is no less than an art form. To feel what your mother might have felt amongst men staring at her, to feel what it feels like to be a woman takes courage, pair of metal balls, might I say.
It’s not some mere desire to look like a woman nor some dirty trick to get men in the bed. Honestly, the side of men you’ll see after going drag, you might would want to give up on the desire for men, it can be so nasty. However, heart wants what it wants.
It’s not some fun game honey! It takes a lot of nerve to do drag or might I say, it takes a lot of nerve to be a woman. So before you consider a queen some cheap cross dresser you hooked up with over Grindr, you better watch your mouth.
And to all the queens who have been doing this for so long, you all have my respect and love.
He was as beautiful as the morning sun shining through the small water drop holding on to the spike of the pine leaf after a chilly snow fall. Those green eyes glimmer in the dim streetlight through those big beautiful lashes as if the child inside him lives in the silent moments of the night.
His smile is mischievous and the curve of his lips hide his eyes as they stretch for the smile. His hair is as wild as his spirit and they peep through that big beanie that he is fond of. That one lock of his hair that wouldn’t listen and will fall on his face no matter what he does. Those beard are pointy but they all look as if they know which direction to grow without failing.
We would walk on the streets holding each others hands. I would hold him as he comfortably curls into my arms when we go to sleep. That kiss, that first kiss of the year, just made me feel like, in this moment, I have got everything that I want, everything that I ever needed.
No sadness, no depression, no anxiety, no mood swings. It felt like I have it all and I could live in this moment forever. Oh, I would give anything to have that moment as the only moment of my life. My soul felt happy.
But… It wasn’t a date. We didn’t mean to feel the love. It just happened. I was scared to even hold him close because he came in as a guest. You don’t know if he would end up feeling that I wanted sexual favors for letting him stay at my home right? But once we held each other, we spent moments together.
The simplest memories of being with him, walking the streets holding the hands while people looked at us is beautiful. I don’t even know what their expressions were because I was caught up in the beauty of that boy. I mean, what else can you expect?
I have told myself several times now, he’s not gonna stay. You don’t know how he feels about you. You don’t know if he feels for you how you feel for him. But for some reason, the moment his face shines through his beautiful mane, my heart skips a beat and the moment he smiles, I forget what was I telling myself.
I guess, the moments that I shared with him were the most beautiful ones I can have as my new year’s beginning. Whatever that was, wasn’t a date but it was perfect.
Tomorrow, once he will be gone for good, I might will need a long time to forget and move on. I’ll take a leave now, hoping that these moments in my mind never fade away.
Are you earning enough to pay your rents on time? Are you paying your rents on time? Are you living without creating any nuisance and disturbance for your neighbors? Do you have no criminal background?
Well, these are certain questions that one should be concerned about when giving a place on rent. But the sad part is, in Mumbai, a city of dreams, where one expects a little liberal society, the landlords, society, etc these people love to make this city of dreams a city of nightmare when it comes up renting out a place.
In Malad West, near Atharva college, there is a society named Ashmita Jyoti. Two of my friends rented out a place on the second floor. When taking the place, the broker ensured them that as long as you people don’t create noise, it’s OK if your friends visit.
On my way to my home, their home comes first, so I drop by once in a while. We have food together, talk, watch movies together etc. We sometimes play music which is usually never audible outside the room. You’ll know it when you’ll come to this house. We have birthday parties or festival celebrations which is again a gathering of a few people and you can’t hear anything outside. I know it because everytime I go out to get cigarettes, the moment the door closes, the voices aren’t audible.
However, the people of the society still ended up having problem. The landlord of my friends had seen me, the blonde haired guy and my other friend, a blonde dread lock haired guy at this house. After few weeks, landlord started calling my friends saying, society people are complaining that everyday you have friends coming in. When asked, if there is any noise or disturbance? There was no answer to it.
My friends and we all decided that we will visit less frequently. We went to celebrate Diwali to their house. Well you don’t celebrate Diwali sitting in one place and not meeting your only family, your friends in the city, do you? Guess what! The next day, the complaint was, your friends have… WAIT FOR IT… “WEIRD HAIR“. Yes, my dear friends, people of Ashmita Jyoti have issues with what is your HAIRSTYLE.
Me and these friends of mine went to Goa on first of November randomly and came back today and now this landlord called them saying, a girl visited your home yesterday and people are complaining that you all are gay.
Now people have problems with if your friends are coming home, if your friends have different hairstyle, if you’re gay, what you do within your four walls, which TV series you watch, how many teeth you have, how many RBCs does your body contain and probably they also have problem with what color of poop you excrete.
This is just a clear sign of no matter if you want to have peaceful life or what, these homophobic people don’t want to see us in peace. They just need reasons to create disturbances. Not just us but these people have no good to do so they want to create the lives hell for everyone else who is not them. Religion, caste, food habit, sexuality, birth place, etc, they can make a complaint against you for anything.
They may not have any proof of anything but still they will make complaint. Now my friend are being asked to leave and look for new house in couple of months but the question is, without doing anything wrong they now need to go through shifting again and not to forget brokerage is also a thing.
It’s pathetic and horrible on societies and landlords like these. Not that anyone would care about it and the politicians have everything they need, why should they bother about “miniscule minorities”?
I am 25 years old and I have seen so much in my life that I wish I had not. You must have heard “being gay is normal” several times but what no one tells you is, living life of a gay guy who does not fit in the boxes, in a world filled with homophobia, is not going to be a normal life.
Some times I don’t know if going through all the things that I have been through was worth it or not. But there are days when I convince myself that all of this would make sense one day. One day, all of this would be a just a nightmare. One day, someone will wake up and none of it will to be real for them.
When you have seen a trans person crying in the middle of the night after being sexually harassed, you would not like to trust in humanity. When you have sucked penis of a “straight guy” without consent, just to save a drunk girl from harassment, you won’t believe in straight people being straight.
When you have seen parents abandoning their children because of their sexuality, you would not like to trust on any relative. When you have seen friends turning against you, you would not be able to trust people easily. When you have seen your love moving on to a “better looking guy”, you would not like to believe in the concept of true love.
When you have seen the people of your community discriminating their own people, you would not like to believe that there is a community. When you have seen one community divided into several communities and you do not fit in those separated communities either, you would not like to accept anyone’s hand to accept you.
After seeing all of that, if you’ll see a few stories that are different from what you have seen personally, you can only feel happy for those people but those stories won’t bring back your faith. You will continue believing that those few stories are “exception”.
But the good side of all of that? You know what you don’t want for others. You learn to be humble and compassionate. But do you know what? It becomes more confusing because your experiences have made you heartless and yet you know how to spread love. You give love and respect to everyone as long as they deserve it, according to your ideas but you can’t accept the love from others.
I wish, when I wake up from this dream, this world will be a better and more accepting place. I wish…
If you are wondering what Grindr is, let me explain a bit. Its a dating application for gay or bi men. Its like not-so-sanskari version of shaadi dot com or bharatmatrimony dot com. You see, these websites give the facility to find a suitable partner for straight people for marriage (I guess. Do they really use it for marriage? I doubt.) But since there’s no concept of gay marriages, we go on grindr to find a suitable partner to date or just be friends with. People go there to find hookups as well (OH MY GOSH we homos are such perverts, isn’t it? Bleh, whatever.)
Today, I wanted to address a few things (or should I say people?) which I find irritating. But I hope you all will have a good laugh at it.
To all the “paid boys”, (for those who aren’t aware about the term, it means guys who have sex for money) in the world full of free sex, what makes you think I’ll be interested in spending my money on you? Even if you are Poseidon, I won’t spend money for sex. You should stop approaching people upfront. Leave it on your account that you charge for sex and the ones who are desperate for sex and can spend money for it, will approach you themselves.
To all the guys who mention “no sissy, no pansy, no fairy, no girly” etc on your profile, (yes, gay men can be homophobic too. Blame it on homophobic straight people’s mentality) after I show you my pictures in makeup and jewellery, I expect you to say, I’m sorry you’re not my type. That’s the whole point why I show you my pictures in makeup and jewellery. I’m trying to hint that boy, you’ve come to the wrong place.
Do NOT tell me, “its OK. I don’t mind as long as you don’t come with makeup.” Like N.O. I don’t wear makeup on daily basis but B!£¢#, I’m gonna wear my makeup every time you are around to make you more uncomfortable. I have no obligation to do things to please you.
Now, to those who ask me, “how can you be top” (well top means the dominating one or in easy words for you to understand, the man between the two when it comes the things that we do in bed), well just because I wear makeup, it doesn’t mean that I have to be bottom. Being top or bottom has nothing to do with what you wear or how you dress up. You need to ask yourself, if you can drool over muscular bottoms with all your saliva dripping, why is it difficult to fix it in your head that the opposite of it is equally possible? Have you never heard about women who use strap-on with their men? Grow up people.
Now to those who abuse others because you don’t have your basics in place, please be mature enough. If you are sending or asking for nudes before you have introduced yourself, don’t expect me to be sugar plum to you. You don’t know how to begin the conversation and approach a person, you should go back to primary school. If you are going to ask me stupid questions, like things that I have already mentioned in my profile or things that I have already tried to divert in other direction in polite manner, they you will get sarcasm in return. Don’t blame me to be rude. Brush up your conversation skills so that you understand what people are trying to do or say when you ask them something. Not everyone likes to insult people in the very first go. I prefer to be humble and not thrash straight away. Don’t think my humility is waste of your time. Be specific, be precise. You’ll save a lot of my time as well as yours.
To those who approach me on Grindr about how they admire me, thank you so much for your appreciation. It would be better if you can approach me about that on my social networking sites. Its a bit awkward when my profile says I’m looking for a date and someone comes to just admire me for my social work. Not that I have anything against you guys but… Its like, your mother pulling your cheeks in front of your date (I guess?)
Well honestly, even though I want the above mentioned things to stop but they are the reason why Grindr is always interesting for me. So you guys can stop doing all of that and leave Grindr as a peaceful dating app or do whatever you like and I’ll have screenshots to share with my friends and we’ll laugh at you.
That’s all for now, I hope you guys enjoyed reading it. Love.
Couple of years ago, a human started bothering the members of LGBT community with his anti LGBT campaign under the veil of anti AIDS campaign. He used to make multiple profiles with several fake names and his own name to pester all the LGBT groups and individuals in India.
You probably would be waiting to know his name but I refrain myself from using his name. You’ll see his name in the screenshots that are about to follow.
He, once challenged the whole Delhi LGBT community that he’ll come to Delhi pride and take everyone’s blood test and prove that “Every person of LGBT community has STD”, which apparently never happened. (Is it too early to call him coward?) Eventually, everyone realised that he is nothing more than a “barking dog seldom bite” and his existence became irrelevant to everyone of us.
His argument was, LGBT community is the prime reason for the STDs. To no one’s surprise, he does not even understand that the new cases of STDs are getting reduced every year, as per UNAIDS reports.
Guess what? This reduction in new cases has been marked after the LGBT community started getting recognized in the country. But no, this human from Punjab who used to mention “microbiologist” in his facebook profile does not understand that the way to prevent the increase in STD cases is to promote safe sex amongst LGBT community instead of pushing them back into the closet.
After couple of years, few days back, he challenged me that he will soon publish some book that will send the LGBT community back into the closet. He accepted the challenge saying, if he fails, he’ll make a video of him having sex with another man and he will become my slave.
He told me, he has been making his contacts and getting strong political support in order to send the LGBT community back into closet. Now from being a microbiologist, he became manifesto writer for BJP Punjab, a political party that believes in Hindu ideals (or so as I believe). I guess that’s what he meant to say.
But guess what? He is much more than just microbiologist and manifesto writer. He also found “hallucinative way of communicating”. Well hello there Einstein. (I don’t even know what does hallucinative way of communicating means.) Oh and by the way, if you guys were wondering whose forgiveness are we, LGBT community, seeking? It was of this guy. Unfortunately, luck is not in our favor. Sigh.
Now, you guys might be wondering why am I so bothered about him? Its not like he can do anything really (which I completely agree to). However, the reason why I’m taking the time out to write this down is because the way he is behaving with my friends, specially girls.
He sent me a message after almost a year which I shared on my facebook wall. Here’s what he had sent:
Glory be to the demon whores, gays and gay world,
You bloody dickhea*s, demon suc*ers, you poor souls,
There should have been hard punishment for pyscho sick people like you, harrish iyer, niladri chatterje, aditya bandopdyaa, you all people are gay demons, history can forgive , but not harit, the way u transforming and perverting innocents, will be the chief cause of your own deaths, you and your community , both are going to enter into the sea of fatal diseases, you people are voluptuous of highest order, you need nothing but hard sticks on your butts, your ass should be beaten 377 times, to teach you the lesson of Health and healthy behaviors, you people are going to change the foundation of society, i am going to gear up against you via my book on homosexuality and its consequences, see yourself after my book, you and bloody dauchebags, so called l,g,b,t would be on their knees
Do away with homosexuality
A friend of mine, a girl had commented:
MORON SPOTTED. 😆 And yes, We ain’t douchebags. He is. But guess what, he doesn’t know the spelling himself.
And she shared a screenshot:
Now the word bastard, in an informal use, means an unpleasant or despicable person. However, that human took it as person born to unmarried parents. He went to her profile and sent her this, which she later sent me:
A human, who first sends abusive message, expects others to praise him I guess? That seems to be the only reason why he couldn’t see a girl calling him a bastard. What makes me write this blog is, he claims to write manifesto of BJP in Punjab for 2017.
I leave it to you all to decide what kind of people are working for our government and should these people, who abuse others, man or woman, be allowed anywhere near to the government bodies?
By the way, did I mention that he thinks V B Hariharan is Modi himself?
You have seen his name and you know how he behaves. Now rest is up to you, what you think. Share this, if you think that this man should learn to behave.
UPDATE: I sent emails to CPR India and Researcher India regarding his behavior and I’m waiting for their response.
However, when I told that guy about my email sent to the organisations he is associated with, this was his response.
Honestly, I don’t know how someone who abuses others first, expects people to give him respect and not abuse him on their friend’s facebook status and I really don’t know if he is actually associated to those organisations or is he still a preschool kid.
I come across a lot of people, homophobic or otherwise, who do not understand homosexuality. They come up with their own reasons behind how a person becomes gay. Maybe in order to calm down their curiosity and feel intelligent about themselves? I don’t know.
Here’s a vlog about some of the reasons I’ve come across. Its a sarcasm on those reasons and I hope people will understand that there is no specific reason of someone’s sexuality. Its there just like heterosexuality is there. You don’t have to justify a reason behind homosexuality. The only reason behind homosexuality is exactly similar to the reason why people become heterosexual, just that the opposite sex is replaced by same sex.
I used to be scared of homophobic people because I never wanted to part away from my family. But they did. Their hate separated me from my family. My family built a reputation in the society for themselves and they feared my identity will ruin that. They did try to do that and I had to move away from them. Then I started feeling pity for them thinking how much time they spend in breaking me down instead of building themselves up. Even then I always feared that their hate will only spread more hate. Guess what? I was right. They have created one more hater, me.