Tag Archives: relationships

The Forgotten Reality

We are living in a funny world. People don’t really understand the meaning of love these days but they want to find happiness in the “feeling of love”. That’s the reason, these days when I see two people advertising their love, I can easily tell they are going to breakup soon.

I know I sound mean and negative but that’s my experience talking. I don’t mean to sound negative or rude but I have been there, done that. Love isn’t what people think it is these days, and by that I mean it isn’t as much about “oh he cares for me” as it is about “I can spend the rest of my life with this f*cker”.

Boys at the young ages, who are struggling between their books and their sexuality tend to be more vulnerable and feel left out. In such a situation, some guy would come and give them attention and they start feeling oh, this is the one. And the other guy starts thinking that this is the one for me.

First of all, to all the young boys in their teens, you guys need to focus on what’s important in your life. Your career, your education should hold priority. Enjoy your youth for it won’t last forever. Don’t give importance to relationships with some guy. You can spend time on that when you have earned a life of freedom.

You can’t step out of your house without answering hundreds of questions of your parents, you are certainly not ready for a boyfriend (unless its just a time pass). You have more important things in your life, find your goal and work on achieving it.

Now for the guys, who think that these young boys will be their boyfriend forever, these young boys are new birds. They are just learning to fly. Stop trying to bind them in the cage of love. That will only lead to the feeling of getting choked. You should rather encourage them to build up a great career and give them a freedom that they deserve.

Stop thinking that being in love means, “Did you eat something baby?” Or “What are you doing baby?” All the time. That’s not love. That’s just your attraction or infatuation that keeps you attracted to that person. And as a human, we love mysteries and puzzles, till they are solved.

Till the time, you both haven’t seen each other’s worst and still came out strong, you both aren’t in love. Till the time you both haven’t lived with each other enough to know each other’s smell, each other’s likes and dislikes, each other’s dirty habits, you guys haven’t loved each other.

The reason why these so called relationships don’t last long anymore is because we are caught up in our own problems that we start thinking that I’ve found the love of my life when someone gives us a comfort. However, that’s not how love works.

We need to understand, its easy to fall in love but difficult to be in love. If you have even the slightest doubt, its not love. Learn about each other enough to claim that you love each other. By shouting at the top of your voice, “oh I love him so much” does not prove your love.

I hope that one day, people will learn that love is not just bed of roses, rainbows and unicorns. Its about taking responsibilities, honesty, care, affection AND sex. Yes, sex is also an integral part of love or relationship. Every human, who is not a celibate or asexual, has desires, physical needs. If they don’t get fulfilled and the person forces to hide their desires for long, they tend to fulfill them secretly. Which leads to cheating and further complications.

Till the time we are not open to take the responsibilities that come along with the love, we should refrain ourselves from the false commitments. Understand love in true sense before you start crying about how much you love someone. Maybe that’ll save you from a heartbreak and false hopes.

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A small survey…

Well… I recently made a questionnaire out of curiosity to see what people see or think when they want a partner in their lives.

Disclaimer: The results of this questionnaire does not determine or speak for everyone. In the end, not everyone is same.

However, I hope you guys will find the results interesting. 

So… In this survey, a total of 85 people participated and since I shared it in mostly LGBT groups where mostly gay guys are more active, most of the participants were gay…

Now, let’s first talk about the predominant gay people. Total of 58 gay guys participated. And its interesting that gay guys who identify themselves as top are lesser in the list of participants. It was an open questionnaire. So, this makes me wonder if tops are really shy because I don’t think there’s any lack of tops. Trust me, on the gay dating apps, I mostly find tops sending me messages.

I asked the tops, what do they want their partner to be and out of 9 people, majority does not care.

However, most of the bottoms are very specific it seems.

However, this doesn’t seem that surprising, coming from versatile gay guys.

Now, amongst these 58 guys, 50% of guys prefer masculine guys but not alpha men. Some don’t care the kind of guy as long as they are good people and there’s love and few want to have alpha male guys. 

Now, let’s speak about lesbians. I guess lesbians are either busy in their own lives, working for themselves or the society or they are too shy to participate. Only 4 girls participated who identify themselves as lesbians.

However, its amazing to see that these girls don’t care what their girl prefers in bed (as long as there is love, I believe).

However, what kind of girl they want as partner is something that seems to be determined by their personal preference in bed. This should give an insight.

Now, since straight, bisexual and pansexual can be either men, women or trans people, here’s the percentage break down of how many of them participated.

Now, out of these, we got as many bisexual and pansexual people as there are straight men who were interested in the survey. However, straight women seems to be more active on facebook than the rest.

Now, that says, 5 straight men and 7 straight women participated. However, most of them do not care if the person is masculine or feminine.

Now, few questions were common to all. First was, what is their preferred age group and it seems 21-30 is most preferred. 

PS the participants were between 19 to 50 years and most of them were between the age group of 19 to 30.

Next was, how many of them are monoamorous and how many are polyamorous. And undoubtedly, monoamorous holds majority with 60 out of 85.

When monoamorous people were asked what would they do if their partner is polyamorous and they can’t change, their response was not surprising for me. 33 out of 60 said, they will leave their partner.

I guess, people still think that loving more than one means cheating on your partner who loves you only or maybe they want their partner to love them only. However, when polyamorous people were asked what would they do if their partner is monoamorous, 22 out of 25 said they’ll adjust.

I guess, polyamorous people will mostly have to cut down on their love for others and shut their feelings out and they’ll be asked to choose any one. However, I honestly respect those 27 monoamorous people who believe they’ll try to adjust with the fact that their love loves someone else as well. I know its not easy.

Now, let’s take a look at what do they see first while choosing a partner.

Based on this, majority of people consider the nature of a person. The ones who selected other, wanted to select more than one option. However, there was one option that was answered in the other section and that was emotional independence. Now that was interesting. 

Some people asked me why do I not have multiple option for this. Honestly, I wanted people to respond to this based on what comes first in their mind instead of going by everything.

I also wanted to see if people would speak up for a random queer person if their partner passes a derogatory comment at someone for being different from others and I must say, this makes me happy to see that most of the people would try to make their partner realize that they are wrong.

Now, all of this does not conclude anything in specific but it is certainly interesting to see these responses. Now this final question was to see how these people themselves see a group which is treated as an outcast mostly, the hijras. And I’m glad to see that most of the people do not see them as an outcast but as any other human being who deserves same space as everyone else. Some of them also acknowledge that they are underprivileged which means they believe that hijras deserve more than what they currently have in the society.

I hope you guys find these results as interesting as it is for me. What do you think?