Tag Archives: sexuality

Discrimination in the name of preference

So, being androgynous, I’m less of a man for the world. I’m effeminate because I’m not masculine enough and I often come across people who would say, “no offence but I don’t like effeminate guys”.

Now, many of you may not find it offensive or discriminatory, however, for a person who has been facing discrimination for all his life, fighting against the bullies still standing strong as who he is, you don’t really get the right to say, “you shouldn’t feel bad”, unless you’ve been on the receiving end. 

For me, masculine guys are a turn off but I prefer to say, “I prefer twinks”. If the person is still persistent, I simply start ignoring them. Ignoring someone may seem to be rude but ignoring a person whom you have clarified you aren’t attracted to them isn’t as rude as saying, “I don’t like bulky guys”. Because the moment you do that, it will hurt the ego of those gym freaks that how can he say no to a hot guy like me. 

A guy who spends time in gym, invests his time and money to get that body. He has done a hard work to get that body and that’s why they can feel offended when someone tells them that they are not someone’s type. Similarly, an effeminate guy has been through a lot of mental and social stigma. They have worked hard to be where they are and who they are and hence they too can feel offended by statements like, “I don’t like effeminate guys”.

Stop justifying your statement and think from their perspective for once. Moreover, stop giving stupid excuses for your statement. This one guy had an excuse, “I’m gay because I prefer GUYS. If I had to date someone feminine, I’d have been straight.” Trust me, he isn’t the only one to think like that. I’ve seen many such people. 

Here’s the thing, sexuality is purely determined by the sexual organs and not by gender. That’s why everyone needs to learn the difference between gender and sex. A straight man is a person with male genitalia (read dicks) and attracted to female genitalia (read vagina) and vice versa. Similarly, a gay man is a person with male genitalia and attracted to male genitalia.  

What I’m trying to say is, you are not gay because you like masculine people but because you like dicks over pussy. There are many masculine girls, doesn’t mean you can imagine having sex with her. Similarly straight men prefer pussy not femininity otherwise, they wouldn’t have minded dating effeminate guys. Now that its clear, why you are gay, lemme tell you guys a little secret : Effeminate guys also have dicks.

When you say, “I don’t like effeminate guys”, what you’re actually saying is, “I don’t like dicks of people who make me feel that they should’ve had pussy”. Now if that’s not offensive, then I don’t know what is. You might be best friends with effeminate guys, but with that one “I don’t like effeminate guys” you showed that you’re distrustful towards your own friends. 

There are so many way to not be offensive, like:

  1. I don’t get sexually attracted to guys like you but I don’t mind being friends (its not like every gay guy you come across, you have sex with them). 
  2. I am sexually attracted to such guys. 
  3. I prefer this type of guys. 
  4. I’m sorry but I think you should find someone else. 
  5. I have my eyes for someone else. 

And so many other ways. All you need to do is feel what your words can make others feel. That’s why we are humans. We have the capability to understand what others can feel and strive to help each other grow strong, instead of casually saying anything and then trying to defend it. Be kind to others as long as they are not being rude to you. 

Effeminate guys are guys too. Not liking them is not your preference. Your preference can be hunks, twinks, bears, otters, nerd, geek, etc. When you have to tell someone, tell them your preference. Why do you have to mention what is NOT your preference? 

With that, I should head to my work now. Enjoy your day and think before you speak. 

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In Love With A Straight Boy

I remember the first time he sent me friend’s request on Facebook. He was mutual friend of my college friend because they stayed in same locality. But his reason to send me request was not because he saw me as a mutual friend with someone he knew, like most of the kids do, but because he had seen me at Delhi Comic Con participating in cosplay.

My first question to him was, do you have any of our pics together? I was looking out for my pictures in the cosplay, I’m sorry. To my disappointment, he did not take any picture with me (I hate you for that BTW. I’m going to make you read this and you will know this is for you assh*le).

Anyway, I still let him be in my friends list even after such a disappointment. I’m such a kind person you see. Just kidding. I liked him actually because he was such a cute kid. Completely stupid, but cute. Plus point was, he has DOGS. And who does not love dogs and cute dog lovers? 

We never met after that. We exchanged numbers. Started talking over WhatsApp, which was on and off (mostly off because that b*tch is too pricy. *Insert a straight face emoticon here*). However, he was too cute to resist flirting with him and he knew my sexuality because… Well I’m like the rainbow unicorn farting rainbow gas and shitting rainbow all over my Facebook.

He was unlike many of those macho men who get offended or react to a man flirting with them. He knew my appreciation towards him was and is genuine. He started talking to me more comfortably. He would come to me with most silly questions.

He would come and tell me about his hookups with girls and ask me about his silly notions about STDs and sex and even about his concerns related to his genitals. He trusted me and he still does. He’ll cry alone and not tell anyone but he will talk to me. I’ll try to comfort him. 

In knowing that he trusts me and knowing that he does love me, I fell in love with him. I know we can’t be together and I do not wish to cause him any trouble for my happiness. But there is a love that we share which is between us despite of our sexualities. This love is beyond sexual desires, beyond brotherly love, beyond friendly love.

He knows that I want to cuddle with him, play with his hair throughout the night, hold him to sleep, protect and fight for him with anyone and anything and he loves me because he knows that my love for him is not going to change. He knows he can count on me and in return, I know, even though he hardly replies or shows his face, he is the one person I can count on for the love that is eternal.

Having said that, I know it in my head that he won’t be mine, so I know I’ll love him till the end but I can’t hold on to him. I know there’s someone out there who will be mine and I will not love him any less however, the reason why I wanted to write about my straight love is because people should know, sexuality may define what we like sexually but it still does not warrant the love you feel for someone.

People should know that love and sex are not necessarily mutual to each other. Yes, the best is when both are combined together but you can still find happiness with the two existing separately.

On that note, I’ll put this to rest and share the link with that boy on WhatsApp​ now. Thanks for reading. Do share your feedbacks. ❤

A small survey…

Well… I recently made a questionnaire out of curiosity to see what people see or think when they want a partner in their lives.

Disclaimer: The results of this questionnaire does not determine or speak for everyone. In the end, not everyone is same.

However, I hope you guys will find the results interesting. 

So… In this survey, a total of 85 people participated and since I shared it in mostly LGBT groups where mostly gay guys are more active, most of the participants were gay…

Now, let’s first talk about the predominant gay people. Total of 58 gay guys participated. And its interesting that gay guys who identify themselves as top are lesser in the list of participants. It was an open questionnaire. So, this makes me wonder if tops are really shy because I don’t think there’s any lack of tops. Trust me, on the gay dating apps, I mostly find tops sending me messages.

I asked the tops, what do they want their partner to be and out of 9 people, majority does not care.

However, most of the bottoms are very specific it seems.

However, this doesn’t seem that surprising, coming from versatile gay guys.

Now, amongst these 58 guys, 50% of guys prefer masculine guys but not alpha men. Some don’t care the kind of guy as long as they are good people and there’s love and few want to have alpha male guys. 

Now, let’s speak about lesbians. I guess lesbians are either busy in their own lives, working for themselves or the society or they are too shy to participate. Only 4 girls participated who identify themselves as lesbians.

However, its amazing to see that these girls don’t care what their girl prefers in bed (as long as there is love, I believe).

However, what kind of girl they want as partner is something that seems to be determined by their personal preference in bed. This should give an insight.

Now, since straight, bisexual and pansexual can be either men, women or trans people, here’s the percentage break down of how many of them participated.

Now, out of these, we got as many bisexual and pansexual people as there are straight men who were interested in the survey. However, straight women seems to be more active on facebook than the rest.

Now, that says, 5 straight men and 7 straight women participated. However, most of them do not care if the person is masculine or feminine.

Now, few questions were common to all. First was, what is their preferred age group and it seems 21-30 is most preferred. 

PS the participants were between 19 to 50 years and most of them were between the age group of 19 to 30.

Next was, how many of them are monoamorous and how many are polyamorous. And undoubtedly, monoamorous holds majority with 60 out of 85.

When monoamorous people were asked what would they do if their partner is polyamorous and they can’t change, their response was not surprising for me. 33 out of 60 said, they will leave their partner.

I guess, people still think that loving more than one means cheating on your partner who loves you only or maybe they want their partner to love them only. However, when polyamorous people were asked what would they do if their partner is monoamorous, 22 out of 25 said they’ll adjust.

I guess, polyamorous people will mostly have to cut down on their love for others and shut their feelings out and they’ll be asked to choose any one. However, I honestly respect those 27 monoamorous people who believe they’ll try to adjust with the fact that their love loves someone else as well. I know its not easy.

Now, let’s take a look at what do they see first while choosing a partner.

Based on this, majority of people consider the nature of a person. The ones who selected other, wanted to select more than one option. However, there was one option that was answered in the other section and that was emotional independence. Now that was interesting. 

Some people asked me why do I not have multiple option for this. Honestly, I wanted people to respond to this based on what comes first in their mind instead of going by everything.

I also wanted to see if people would speak up for a random queer person if their partner passes a derogatory comment at someone for being different from others and I must say, this makes me happy to see that most of the people would try to make their partner realize that they are wrong.

Now, all of this does not conclude anything in specific but it is certainly interesting to see these responses. Now this final question was to see how these people themselves see a group which is treated as an outcast mostly, the hijras. And I’m glad to see that most of the people do not see them as an outcast but as any other human being who deserves same space as everyone else. Some of them also acknowledge that they are underprivileged which means they believe that hijras deserve more than what they currently have in the society.

I hope you guys find these results as interesting as it is for me. What do you think?

Why are you gay? – Vlog

I come across a lot of people, homophobic or otherwise, who do not understand homosexuality. They come up with their own reasons behind how a person becomes gay. Maybe in order to calm down their curiosity and feel intelligent about themselves? I don’t know.

Here’s a vlog about some of the reasons I’ve come across. Its a sarcasm on those reasons and I hope people will understand that there is no specific reason of someone’s sexuality. Its there just like heterosexuality is there. You don’t have to justify a reason behind homosexuality. The only reason behind homosexuality is exactly similar to the reason why people become heterosexual, just that the opposite sex is replaced by same sex.

I hope you enjoy the video.

Some knowledge about androgyny

I had been planning to write down about androgyny for so long but I think every thing is planned. I was going through the people around on a dating app and I came across a guy who told me about his straight best friend who loves makeup, heels and feminine clothes. Continue reading Some knowledge about androgyny

Stop being loud

“Its ok man. Your sexuality is just a part of you. Its not what defines who you are. You are more than your sexuality. Why the hell do you have to be so loud about your sexuality? Why do you have to make a big fuss out of it? Why do you need a pride parade to show off your sexuality? Why do you guys have to dress up in weird ways for such things? We straight people don’t have straight pride or anything like that. Because we know that our sexuality is not what defines us. You guys should understand that.”

Continue reading Stop being loud

Being Gay is a choice? Really? Think again

“Being gay is a choice”… This statement makes me laugh. How many of you think that a person would like to choose a life of humiliation, discrimination, hatred, torture, etc. Do you really think that a person can choose a life where his family can throw him out? Where sisters tell him that he is mentally sick? That he cannot live unless he changes himself? That he is a shame to the family? Do you really think that anyone would love to choose this life? I bet no one, or tell me if you can. Continue reading Being Gay is a choice? Really? Think again